A Community member sent me a story which he claims is a perfect example of a Loving FLR.
I once met an old lady named Halina. She was small, delicate and extremely vital. She was an intelligent woman who raised three children alone after her husband left her. For many years as she raised her children people would ask her, “Where is your husband?” Halina had not seen him since he had left, had no idea where he lived or what he was doing though when people mentioned him she often wondered about him.
Her children grew up and started their own families and she was proud of them. In her idle time she thought of her husband and decided to go look for him. After a few months, she found him wandering the streets, a drunkard. She took him home, had him join the detox program and pushed him to become sober.Â He went through with his newfound sobriety and mended his relationship with his children and created new relationships with his grandchildren. The grandchildren were delighted to now have a loving grandfather. He worked a year as a night watchman and started going to church. He had truly experienced a rebirth in life and he had his loving wife to thank for it.
Two years after she found him and nurtured him back to health, he died. He didn’t die alone. He had reconciled with the people who loved him, reconciled with his wife and with God. If not for Halina’s love and determination, he probably would have died alone and heartbroken, maybe somewhere in the ditch like a dog. Thanks to Halina, the brave and holy woman, he became different. Halina is a true leaderÂ in love. When I listened and watched her, I really saw what Loving FLR was.
After I read this story, I thought I would become ill.
So basically she spent her entire adulthood raising her children alone while the neighborhood pitied her and questioned her about where her husband was. Then she rescued him from his own destructive ways, nurtured him back to health, he dies and now she is being honored for having an amazing Loving FLR. What the $^%*????
How did this relationship empower her in any way?
Yes, this was definitely a Female Led Relationship…in the end. The part where he deserts her and goes out to live his drunken lifestyle without a care as to how she would support her family was NOT a Female Led Relationship or anything like it.
Once again, I get it. There are multitudes of men who yearn for a Female Led Relationship to absolve them of responsibility and to have a strong woman to push them to become better men. Without a woman’s guidance and support these men feel as though they will not reach their full potential and will self destruct. This may be true, but I have to warn all women to RAISE YOUR STANDARDS.
If a man has absolutely nothing to offer for your empowerment there is no way you should ever consider being in ANY type of relationship with him including a Loving FLR. Yes, you have the strength and intelligence to upgrade his life but if he has nothing to bring to the table then he is not worthy of your time and support.
Poor Halina could have picked any child out of the homeless shelter and done the same thing. When a woman has to lift a man up from the gutter, she is not being honorable, she is doing charity work. There should be no charity work done in the home. A Gentleman in a Loving FLR should be just as wise and progressive as the woman is so that he has something of value to offer her. If he has nothing to offer her and he is looking for a Loving FLR he is actually seeking charity.
There is no honor in a man who cannot stand on his own two feet and be responsible for his own life. Leave him for the desperate women who will do anything to keep a man. If he cannot support himself, cannot make decisions for himself and cannot function in this society in useful ways then he does not deserve to have a woman on his arm.
We women need to stop thinking- Oh, if he only had someone to believe in him. He needs to believe in himself!
Women are not charged with being the saviors of men. Women have no obligation to help men improve their lives. Women are not supposed to be a man’s rescuer. It is not honorable for a woman to give and give to a man and expect nothing in return. A woman can nurture a man who is already developing his talents yet, she should not offer her support to any man who has nothing to offer her or a man who has let her down in the past.
You should not partner with a man you feel sorry for. You are not Mother Teresa. You won’t get a medal. After all your hard work in grooming a derelict, there is no guarantee that he will use those skills to help you in your life. He will likely move on with the skills and confidence you have instilled in him and leave you behind. Make sure that your partner has already mastered his own life before you invite him into yours. When a man needs a woman to make him become a better man, the woman is carrying him in the relationship. A Loving FLR, by definition, aims to empower the WOMAN.
If we don’t raise our standards as women, men will believe their mere presence is enough to satisfy us and that is simply not true. A Gentleman in a Loving FLR should be useful.Â If he cannot empower you in a way that is meaningful to you, leave him on the side of the road with the trash, he will likely find his match there. You are not his match.