Relationship Memories vs. Present Reality

Relationship memories often cloud what is going on in present reality. Too many people are so hung up on their fond relationship memories that they are not able to see the path their relationship has taken. If you keep looking back in the past, you will wind up with a relationship future you did not see coming. You need to look at what has been going on currently in your relationship and assess it truthfully.

Don’t let a trip down memory lane affect your judgement. That was then, this is now. If you want to remember how good it was in the beginning, and use that as a bar you set for things going forward, fine. But don’t use how good it was in the beginning as an excuse for putting up with a dysfunctional relationship now. No matter how good your memories are, you won’t create any good ones going forward if you allow bad behavior to continue. It is understandable that when relationships hit a rough patch we want to remember the good times, to remind us why we should hang in there and keep trying.

Relationship Memories vs. Present Reality

Relationship Memories vs. Present Reality

However, we must also look at our memories of how many times we have tried to work it out, and how many times we have been disappointed. If you have heard the same promises over and over again and the one you love has never delivered, those memories can be helpful to you presently. Don’t let your guard down so easily the next time, and don’t fall for the words they say to get their way. You can’t change or erase your past experiences with someone. You can’t and shouldn’t forget about them either. Your experiences can teach you valuable lessons and grant you wisdom to help create the relationship you want. If you focus on memories and don’t deal with reality, you are dropping the ball and losing whatever control you may have had.

When you take the emotion and romance out of your memories you can more easily see patterns of behavior. You may not be the initiator of drama or arguments, but look at what your reaction to them has been. If it has not been productive in the past, why on earth wouldn’t you change it? Why bitch and complain that your partner isn’t changing when you are not either? Why not see what changing our reactions could accomplish in the future since you already know if you react the same way nothing good comes from it. When you change your reactions, it can often change your loved ones actions. Isn’t that what you want?

The reality of our relationship is not how happy we were then. It is how happy we are now. Relationships are not always perfect, and you can’t expect your partner to make you happy every single day. What you should expect is if your relationship has not been a happy one for a long time, the future prognosis for it is pretty bleak. Use your relationship memories wisely and not as excuses to stay in relationships that no longer work. The reality is that relationships take work, and if they aren’t working right now, they need to be worked on, RIGHT NOW.

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