May 6, Relationship problems during pregnancy? 20 Possible reasons. 15 Tips to cope

20 Reasons why he may be reluctant to have children

  1. He fears losing his independence.
  2. He's fearful of the responsibility of having a child (or another one).
  3. He's worried about finances: the expense of bringing a baby into this world and the cost of bringing up a child.
  4. He's worried he’s not cut out for fatherhood.
  5. He's already self-conscious and is worried about being shown up in public as a failing dad.
  6. He had a difficult childhood himself and doesn't want to risk putting his own children through a similar situation. 
  7. He suffers from (mental) health problems and fears that he may pass that on to the child.
  8. He is fearful about passing on a genetic condition common in his family.
  9. He suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder and can't cope with the additional stress of having a child disrupt his routines and rituals.
  10. He fears having to compete with the child for your attention.
  11. He may be worried that he knows zilch about pregnancy, if this is his first baby. He may think he should know, and worries about being 'found out'.
  12. He may be completely at a loss about his role as a dad if this is his first child, particularly if he has grown up without a father, 
  13. The pregnancy is ill-timed in his mind for whatever reason: work, health, finance, etc.
  14. He may be miffed about a lack of sex and intimacy. Maybe your desire isn’t what it was and now he anticipates that sex is off the menu completely.
  15. He may translate your preoccupation with the baby as you not loving him as much as you did before. Or he may remember from a previous pregnancy how you seemed (in his mind) to be in a world of your own with little attention for him. If that's the case, he needs to know that your ‘lack of interest’ in him doesn’t mean that you don’t love him anymore. It doesn’t mean that you are rejecting him.
  16. If you got pregnant by donor insemination, he's now confronted with the fact that you are really carrying another man’s baby. You may be over the moon, but he may feel a failure.
  17. He feels trapped. Perhaps he had plans to end the relationship. Or maybe he is having an affair.
  18. He feels ill-prepared for taking on increased responsibility for your other children.
  19. He may have experienced your previous pregnancies and births as difficult, based on what you went through - whether that was a traumatic birth, post-natal depression or any other kind of problem.
  20. Now that I've given you a start, you may have some thoughts of your own about what the problem is and why he's being so off with you. Once you can understand the root of the problem, you can (both) take steps to address it.
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