We’ve all been there: You see something spicy on Game of Thrones and want to give it a go in real life.
But it can create a tricky situation if your partner’s idea of a wild time in bed is leaving the lights on.
Unfortunately, this is a common problem for couples.
“Just like personalities, there is rarely a couple who exhibits the same degree of sexual introversion or extroversion,” says clinical sexologist Kat van Kirk, Ph.D.
Of course, you could engage in a little solo action to get your kicks…or you could actually try to do something to nudge your partner out of prude territory.
Van Kirk recommends starting with a conversation. Just be upfront: Mention that you saw something hot that you want to try, and ask your S.O. if they’re down.
Granted, being able to have a sex talk depends on your partner’s level of comfort with the topic. If they immediately freak out whenever it comes up in conversation, van Kirk says it’s okay to slowly push the boundaries by adding a little mild language to sex or introducing a non-intimidating sex toy the next time you’re in bed.
"Mention that you saw something hot that you want to try, and ask your S.O. if they’re down."
If you don’t get pushback, you can explore a little more. Just be sure to focus on the positive (how sexy you'd find it if your partner would try X, Y, or Z—not how tired you are of your go-to sex position), and give your partner space to let you know whether they’re 100 percent comfortable with whatever you're suggesting.
“There will be non-negotiables,” says van Kirk. “Certain boundaries are reasonable and should be respected.”
Keep in mind, too, that your partner’s fundamental personality won’t change. If your S.O. has always been freaked about backdoor play, for example, it’s pretty unlikely you’re going to get a different reaction, no matter how you approach the subject.
“But if you can keep a little envelope pushing fun and engaging, your relationship will only benefit,” says van Kirk.
(Want to learn more about how to get better at sex? The Women's Health Big Book of Sex has tons of tips and tricks you're definitely going to want to test out for yourself.)
Finally, remember that sex doesn’t always have to be adventurous. Van Kirk recommends engaging in a little “comfort” sex after you’ve tried something new to reassure your partner that your sex life hasn’t completely done a 180.
"If you don’t get pushback, you can explore a little more."
“Often prudish partners get intimidated when they think that they are going to have to become a totally different person with their partner every time they have sex,” says van Kirk. Resorting to something more comfortable after an adventurous romp should help squelch these fears.