Finding a Suitable Partner- How to Get into a Relationship?

Finding the right relationship feels like a crap shoot. There are so many moving parts to a relationship–attractiveness, trust, honesty, communication, intimacy, sex life, etc.–that it may feel like there’s no hope in finding that one person that you can spend your life with.

Well, I’m here to tell you that there is hope. Finding the “right” person isn’t hard because it’s impossible. It’s hard because we go about it the wrong way. We look outward to the world and hope we can find someone to complete us, rather than looking inward at ourselves and making ourselves whole, first.

The key to the best relationships is working on the one you have with yourself.

Let’s run that back for the purpose of clarity.

The key to the best relationships is working on the one you have with yourself.

It may sound cliche to you, and if it does, let that be a signal that you should lean in and pay attention. There are, in my opinion, three things that you need to address before you can find the right relationship–or, let the right relationship find you.

Follow the steps, give each one your full attention, and be patient with the process. Your dream relationship is just around the corner.

Step 1: Learn to love yourself

This is probably the hardest step, but if you can get over this hump, you’ll have plenty of momentum to get through the other two. Learning to love yourself is a two-phase process: first, you need to acknowledge your strengths and your weaknesses. Then you need to appreciate and love them for what they are.

In order to get real with both phases of that process, you need to create space in your life. Create distance between you and the toxic people that may fog your judgment. Create space for yourself by meditating or picking up a hobby that you used to enjoy. Do anything you can to give yourself the mental space necessary to sit back and see yourself for who you are.

Every part of you has value. Relish in what you’re good at, recognize where you can improve. It’s all an amazing melting pot of who you are.

Here’s the key, though: if you can’t learn to recognize your greatness in all that is good and bad about you, no one else will. Until you appreciate all that you are and own it, there will always be some subconscious doubt that you give off. It’s like a “quality relationship repellant” of sorts. People will feel that self doubt and not want to partake in that baggage.


How you treat yourself is a billboard showing everyone else how you should be treated. Make sure that message is a good one.

Step 2: Get real (without judgment) about your dating patterns

Now that you’ve learned to yourself a little better (it’s never going to be perfect, we’re only human), it’s time to do some inventory on your past.

What kind of people have you typically dated?

What went wrong in your relationships?

How much did your actions play a role in the demise of those relationships?

As you look back at your previous serious relationships, you’ll start to recognize a pattern. You may notice that you picked people that you knew you couldn’t trust so that you could have an easy out if they acted shady. You may notice that the people you latched onto didn’t have a lot going on in their lives. Maybe you wanted to feel superior, or maybe you wanted to be the center of their world.

Whatever the case may be, see those patterns for what they are. Show yourself some grace. Be kind to your former self. We are all flawed, you are no exception.

Now that you know what patterns didn’t work, start switching things up. Make a conscious effort to avoid people that remind you of your past. Purposely change where you go out or what activities you partake in.

Doing the same things you did in the past won’t get you better results in your future. Acknowledge where you went wrong, then change that behavior to invite better people into your world.

Step 3: Be unapologetically you

This step is the most fun, because it is the ultimate filter. You are going to weed out people that aren’t a good fit for you, and draw in those that are perfect for you. It might rub some people the wrong way, but if it does…screw ‘em.

Once you’ve done the work to love yourself a little more, and recognize your missteps of the past, you can step into the shoes you were meant to walk in all along. You will exude confidence and be a magnet to quality people that will appreciate every morsel for your being.

Will it feel uncomfortable at first? Absolutely.

But there will be more beauty here than anything you’ve experienced in the past as you’ve stumbled from person to person. This will be your sign to the world that you’re ready for whoever can handle you.

That person will show up, I promise you.

These three steps are golden, and you’d be wise to give them a go if you’re on the search for your Mr. or Mrs. Right. They are out there, but they won’t find their way to you until you start loving yourself and showing that to the world around you.

Good luck. It’s about to get really, really good for you.

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