When a man doesn't know what makes a woman's libido soar, she usually ends up sulking under the duvet, or just makes him feel like an insensitive jerk. Guys need to realise that that more than hormones, a factor called receptive desire is also at play when women get intimate. And when that doesn't happen it results in a listless sex life. Experts say that guys need to understand that the act of lovemaking is different for both sexes. However, sexologists and psychologists feel that there are ways to salvage the situation. "A couple can actually have a better and more fulfilling sex life. Men just need to know the things that every woman wishes her partner knew, which would immeasurably improve their sex life," says Dr Rajan Bhonsle
, sexologist. Here is a list that can help... 'INTELLECTUAL CONVERSATION AND FEELING LOVED – CAN ALL BE TURN ONS'
For most women feeling loved and wanted by her partner is often more important than the act of sex. Many women find a good conversation as a potent turn-on. Sexual sharing is enhanced manifold by affectionate and caring words. What men should do to deal with it Dr Bhonsle
says, "An intellectual conversation can be stimulating, especially for women who are busy at home with household duties. A good conversation during evening walks or while you both are relaxing, can be a great aphrodisiac. A husband could tell his wife how much he loves her and also whisper her name, which acts as a reassurance that he is with her mentally during those intimate moments." 'WE CHERISH NON-SEXUAL TOUCHING AND TENDERNESS'
Romance, cuddling, hand-holding and kissing are important to any woman. Niharika Sahay
, 28, says, "My partner is not into PDA at all. Kissing and touching randomly is exciting. Non-sexual touching is actually something that I definitely look forward to." Both sexes favour holding hands as the gesture lends a special feeling of intimacy and enhances the moment with the lovers. What men should do to deal with it
A woman can help a man realise the joy of touching, says Dr Bhonsle. "As she gives him a relaxing massage and strokes his face and hair tenderly, the man starts experiencing the joy of this kind of non-sexual touching," he explains. Couples should also communicate tenderness and sensitivity in non-sexual ways. Psychologist Seema Hingorrany
says, "Communication is the key. Reprogramme your relationship." Women need to tell their partners what makes them feel loved. Dr Bhonsle adds, "Love doesn't make one a mind reader. Love gives the strength to trust each other enough to be honest with each other in all kinds of matters." 'OUR LIBIDOS TAKE LONGER TO TURN ON'
Sexologist, professor, and a former talk show host, Robin Milhausen
was quoted saying that men are aroused even when their genitals brush against clothes accidentally, and many men feel it might work the same way for a woman. However, doctors state that for a woman, it's never limited to the physical aspect, rather it is also about the mental and emotional nuances in the relationship. What men should do to deal with it
Psychologists say that men should begin by eliminating the stress factors, so that their girl's mind is not preoccupied or distracted. When she does not have other mental demands, your girl can be completely available. 'AFFECTION AND ATTENTION, POST SEX, IS AS IMPORTANT AS A GOOD FOREPLAY'
A woman's need for tender moments goes beyond the actual lovemaking. However, the most common complaint among women is of the guy turning over and falling asleep right after copulation. Dr Bhonsle explains, "It is true that when a man is having sex, his endorphin level is very high. Almost immediately after ejaculation, he goes through a refractory phase in which he loses his erection and all his systems gear down. This is the reason men tend to fall asleep immediately after sex. " What men should do to deal with it
Doctors state that this phase is instantaneous in men, whereas in females, it happens gradually. "However, the sleep or tiredness is never so overpowering that it cannot be overcome. If a man wants to and if he cares enough, it is not difficult for him keep awake. Men invariably have trouble believing that after great sex, woman needs some non-sexual body contact and intimacy. It is a good idea to tell your partner what you need without putting him down and making him feel like an insensitive jerk," explains Dr Bhonsle. 'WE ARE VISUAL TOO'
For a woman, grooming herself to perfection comes naturally. And when a man comes across as careless, negligent about grooming and displaying questionable personal hygiene, it does turn a woman off completely. Women also care about how her guy looks and any effort from his side is definitely appreciated. What men should do to deal with it
Taking care of how you look is of utmost importance. Psychologists say that while a sexy stubble might look attractive, it may not be too great when making out. Guys, it's time you appreciate the importance of that beard grooming kit. And yes, manicured nails are appreciated too. 'SEXUALITY AND AFFECTION CAN'T BE COMPARTMENTALISED'
While guys easily compartmentalise their sex life from the rest of their lives, they need to know it is not the same for a woman. Guys need to remember that a woman almost always operates through her heart. "A woman needs good feelings and experiences during the day to have satisfying sex at night. How her husband treats her out of bed greatly influences her response in bed," says Dr Bhonsle. What men should do to deal with it
If a guy surprises his partner by giving her flowers, or a gift for no reason in particular – this thoughtfulness might improve the couple's sexual drive. Hingoranny adds, "Be persistent in showing that you love each other. Even something as simple as complementing your partner's looks or buying little surprise gifts can help. Do things that would make your partner feel cherished."