This article was written by Jordan Gray and republished with permission from YourTango.
Sex isn’t a task, and your orgasms aren’t on a to-do list. So why are we doing it like it is?
Pre-sex rituals, or foreplay, are the things that build the sexual tension. Maybe it's putting on your sex playlist or saying “Get your sexy ass on the bed, now.” Whatever it is, take the time to seduce each other. Grr, baby.
Now, on to the juicy stuff.
If Your Partner Is a Man
Anyone, regardless of gender, can have a more intense orgasm from the repeated rising and falling of their sexual arousal. Guys especially benefit more from getting out of their heads and into their bodies.
Touch. Whether it’s an extended hug hello or an unexpected kiss, nothing gets men more into their bodies than physical contact. Are you in bed or somewhere you’re starting to get frisky? Wake up his skin with your lips and fingers.
Makeout. Kiss him softly, suck on his lower lip, and graze your lips across his torso. Press your body against his. Let your hair act as another hand, and drag it over him slowly.
Walk the line between anticipation and frustration. The window of time you have until he actually gets annoyed is probably longer than you think. When you decide to start interacting directly with his penis, find your way there slowly. Tease his inner thighs. Slowly run your finger tip along the underside of his shaft. If you want to, take his package into your mouth and take your time. It's not a race.
If Your Partner Is a Woman
Or, you know, your guy just needs a few pointers. Here's what to do pre-sex.
Cuddle and kiss. Kiss the back of her neck and shoulder area, then spend a few minutes lightly breathing on the nape of her back, behind her ear, and over her shoulder.
Spend quality time. When you go to touch her more intimately, you’ll have no doubt that she’ll already be really turned on. If you’re unsure, double the time that you tease her. Run your fingers over her stomach, over her hip bones, down her hips, and on the inside and outside of her thighs.
Give oral. If you're both into it, kiss your way down her body—then get comfy. If you contort your body into an awkward position it says “I’m just doing this for a few seconds because I think it is expected of me, and I won’t be here long.”
During Sexual Play
Sex isn’t meant to be sterile, or neat, or organized, or linear. Sex is about feeling and enjoying.
Take your time. During the penetration phase, feel every inch of your partner’s flesh. Make eye contact. Or wear blindfolds. Kiss a lot or bite instead. Try out some dirty talk. Touch, feel, communicate, taste, and play.
Tease. Bring him (or her) close to orgasm, and then stop just before climax. You could do this once in order to intensify their eventual orgasm, or you could do this all night.
Experiment. Make them climax with your hands, your mouth, and your lady parts. Maybe your partner loves building up to one really big orgasm and calling it a night or maybe they want to orgasm so many times that you both lose count. (Yes, please!?)
Kill the music. The soundtrack for your session is your breathing and voices.
Whatever you do as your sex session winds down, take your time doing it. Keep your head in the game the whole time.