Why Married Couples Should Sleep in Separate Beds
Do many couples sleep in separate beds?
Sleep divorce is a new trend and is more common than you think.
The word ‘divorce’ might sound scary to you, especially if you’re enjoying your honeymoon at the moment. Can sleeping in separate beds be bad for marriage? We will find out!
What percent of married couples sleep in separate beds?
Studies find that nearly 40% of couples sleep apart.
And the same studies say that separate beds only make relationships better.
How come? Why married couples should sleep in separate beds?
Let’s find out. Here are the benefits of sleeping separately from your partner.
1. More room to move
So, let’s begin with the fact that we’re all different. Some couples love spooning and cuddling during sleep, and they may even feel comfortable on a standard Queen bed.
However, if you and your spouse prefer to stretch a lot, then even the biggest mattress size might feel uncomfortable for you.
See for yourself:
The width of a King-sized bed is 76 inches. When you divide this number in two, you get 38 inches, which is how wide a Twin bed is! Twin could be an option in guest rooms or trailers, but it may not work as a regular sleeping place for an average adult.
Even if Twin seems big enough for you, consider that your partner doesn’t remain motionless on their side of the bed throughout the night. They might unintentionally occupy your part, leaving you less room for finding a comfortable position.
With that being said, getting a separate bed will allow you to sleep in whichever pose you like, without worrying about accidentally pushing your partner or kicking them out of bed.
“The modern tradition of co-sleeping isn’t that old: it has begun only after the Industrial Revolution, because of the rapid population growth in big cities. And before that, sleeping separately was quite a common thing.”
2. Goldilocks issue
The next reason that may make you want to consider buying separate beds is the difference in mattress preferences. For example, you love more cushioning, and your partner is a fan of a firm bed.
In fact, some mattress manufacturers allow you to solve this issue:
- by buying a split mattress that consists of two separate, customizable halves;
- by purchasing a double-sided mattress, where each half has its own firmness and overall feel.
One of these solutions may help you eliminate the difference in preferences; but if your partner is a restless sleeper and you’re a sensitive one, chances are sooner or later you’ll accumulate sleep debt.
Chronic sleep deprivation may pose a lot of threats to your health, such as obesity, hypertension, and even increased risks of a heart attack.
3. Snoring won’t bother you anymore
According to the American Sleep Apnea Association, 90 million Americans suffer from snoring, with half of this number having obstructive sleep apnea.
Both of these conditions require treatment. But the fact is, if you or your partner snore it’s harmful to both.
The measured snoring loudness usually falls in the range between 60 and 90 dB, which is equal to normal talking or the sound of a chainsaw respectively.
And no one wants to sleep next to the working chainsaw.
Thus, sleeping apart can be best if you or your partner is a loud snorer. But note that it should be a temporary solution combined with the treatment of this condition.
“The National Sleep Foundation survey showed that about 26% of respondents lose some sleep due to their partner’s sleeping problems. If your spouse is a loud snorer, you may lose about 49 minutes of sleep per night.”
4. Your sex life might become better
Separate sleeping scares away many young couples who believe that it would adversely affect their intimacy.
But things are quite interesting here:
- If you’re sleep-deprived, the last thing you want to do is to have sex. Sleep deprivation decreases libido in both men and women and may be the reason why couples might lose interest in each other over time.
- Proper rest, on the other hand, gives you more energy to turn on the love connection.
- The last but not the least, you might even become more creative in your romantic fantasies. Sleeping apart may eliminate the feeling of annoyance — which many couples get during the years of sleeping in one bed — and can become the magic potion that recharges your sex life.
After all, kings and queens have done this for ages, so why shouldn’t you?
5. Different chronotype: Problem solved
Marriage changes a lot of things in your daily life, but not your circadian rhythms.
There are two main chronotypes:
- early birds, or larks — people who tend to wake up early (often at sunrise) and go to bed in early hours (before 10-11 pm);
- night owls — these individuals usually go to bed at 0 – 1 am and tend to wake up late.
Typically, women are more likely to be larks than men; however, researchers consider that everyone can become a lark in a month, given proper conditions.
Anyway, if your sleeping patterns collide, this can ruin the day for both of you. Even if you try to be quiet and not to wake up your loved one.
In this case, sleeping in separate beds — or even rooms — can be the right solution for the impending sleep crisis.
6. Cooler sleep is better sleep
One more thing to make you consider sleeping apart is your partner’s body temperature. While this can come in handy during colder seasons, you will hardly be excited about cuddling on hot summer nights.
Hot sleeping is more common in women, as some studies report that their core body temperature is slightly higher.
So, what exactly is the problem here?
Well, hot sleeping can lead to sleep disruptions because our body temperature usually drops during the night to allow melatonin production. If it doesn’t happen, you may experience more prolonged sleep onset and even insomnia.
So, if your partner is a hot sleeper and a big hugger, then it may be challenging for both of you. That’s where sleeping separately comes in.
With all of that being said, it may look like separate sleeping is a universal solution.
Well, not exactly.
Although it can polish some edges in your relationship, sharing a bed remains one of the best ways to get intimate and enjoy the company of each other, especially if you have kids or different working schedules.
Overall, it’s all about what makes you feel happy and comfortable. If you and your loved one don’t have issues with sleeping in one bed, it isn’t necessary to erase this out of your daily life.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.