What to Do with the Other Woman During a Threesome

So you've decided to recruit a third party to your no-pants dance. Woo! That is awesome. But now what? (Cue crickets.) Inviting another woman into your bedroom for a threesome is as much about you as it is your guy, but unlike the man in your life, you've probably never gotten jiggy with a woman—which puts you at a disadvantage. And if you and the other lady stay focused on him, that doesn’t equal a good time for anyone since it can cause a competitive vibe between women, says sexologist Ava Cadell, Ph.D., founder of Sexpert.com

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It totally makes sense that getting sexual with a naked lady can feel a bit intimidating or awkward, no matter how much you've fantasized about it. However, with a solid plan of attack, the three of you can have a helluva time in the sack together. Here’s everything you need to know to make your first encounter with another woman less weird and more, "Why haven't we don't this before?"

Let Her Know What You’re Up For
Being intimate with another female means something different to everyone. It doesn’t have to mean oral, fingering, or even kissing. It’s important to communicate what you like and what you don't with each other before things get hot and heavy, says Cadell. If you're just not sure what you'll be ready for until you get in the moment, consider telling her that you don't want certain interactions at first but that you could be open to them later.

Even without that disclaimer, though, it's totally fine to change your mind in the moment, she says. Communicating through the whole process is vital to making it a positive experience for both of you.

Set the Mood
When a woman accepts an invitation to get down with you and another guy, she expects to hookup with you in some capacity, says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure. So you already know she’s interested, but just like you, she might be nervous. To get both of you in a juicy frame of mind, keep things playful. Try getting in a hot tub or playing strip poker, says Cadell. Don't be afraid to compliment her. Tell her things that you would like to hear, such as how beautiful or sexy she is and how much you're looking forward to this experience.

Let Her Know You’re Cool with Her and Your S.O.
No one wants to jump in bed with a committed couple for a threesome and cause a fight between them. So when your guy is intimate with your new lady lover, join in. Feel free to touch, kiss, and tell her how sexy it is watching them. The more everyone is included, the more fun you'll have, says Cadell.

Okay, Now Here’s What You Actually Do During a Threesome
Whatever your comfort level, here's a play-by-play of how you and your female guest can take a trip to pleasure town together.

If...You're Intrigued But Pretty Nervous About the Whole Thing

1. Go slow. Being with a woman can be a very slow and sensuous experience, says Levine. Take advantage by kissing her softly. Sink into the kiss, and touch her face. You can be curious and sensual with your hands over her clothes, and eventually, if you both feel ready, you can undress each other or yourselves, she says.

2. Work from the top down. The scalp is covered with nerve endings that make it super-sensitive, so ask if you can give her scalp a massage, says Cadell. That will help to release tension and increase feel-good endorphins, she says. Then, touch her forearm, a lesser-known erogenous zone, and continue downward toward her wrist, to the palm of her hands, and spread her fingers apart as if you were spreading her legs, licking in between each finger erotically.

3. Play with hot and cold. Let your lips linger on different parts of her body, like her ears, neck, tummy, and inner thighs. Then, slowly exhale, either with your mouth open or lips pursed, she says. Alternating between your hot and cool breath will make her tingle all over.

If...You’re Really Excited to Jump in But Not Quite Sure What to Do

1. Get in the tub. Taking a bath together is the perfect blend of relaxing and erotic. Light some candles, put some bubbles in the bath, and suds each other up. If the bathtub has a hand-held nozzle, put it under the water, and then direct it toward her clitoris to get her off, says Levine.

2. Dry hump. While fully dressed or just wearing underwear—whatever makes you comfortable—lay her down on the bed or couch, and slowly climb on top of her, says Levine. Massage her breasts, kiss her mouth, and put her hand between your legs so that she can see how hot you're getting. See how long you can go without ripping each other's clothes off.

3. Finger her. It can be thrilling to feel another woman's nether region for the first time. So take your time, and explore by running your fingers all over her lady parts and inside of her, says Levine. Feeling her get wet will get you equally turned on. (Just be sure to cut your nails short first!)

If...You’re Ready for Full-On Lady-to-Lady Sexy Time

1. Give her oral. Giving another woman oral sex is a great way to ensure you'll get off later since you're giving it the way you want it, says Cadell. If you don't want to freestyle, start out by gently moving your tongue around the clitoris (but not directly on it!), keep up the circular motion, and increase the rhythm as her moans build and she begins to shake. What's even hotter: Try getting into a sideways 69 position for a simultaneous orgasm.

2. Bring out the toys. One she’s turned on, use a vibrator to stimulate her swelling G-spot. Or if you want to please each other at the same time, try a double dildo, a long dildo with a head at each end, says Levine. Don’t worry if it takes a few tries to get everything, uh, arranged; that’s normal. Your guy can help you two position it. (We're guessing he'll be more than happy to help out.)

3. Scissor it. Once each of you are naked, sit down facing each other, spread your legs, and scoot toward each other until your vulvas meet. Move your body back and forth to rub your clits together, says Cadell. If you want her closer to you, reach your hand under her butt to pull her lower body into yours. 

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