What to Do with the Other Guy in a Threesome

So you and your guy have decided to crank up the dial on your sex life by inviting another dude into your bedroom (or wherever). You’re far from alone in your desire to ménage a trois. A recent study from the University of Montreal found that 31 percent of women have fantasized about having sex with two men.

If it's your first time adding another man into the equation, “it’s completely normal to feel intimidated or awkward in the very beginning," says Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., author of The New Sex Bible. “The key is coming up with a well-devised plan of dos and don’ts to make sure you’re satisfying your fantasies while maintaining and respecting your boundaries.”

Here’s everything you need to know to help get the party started.

Plan Your Trip to Pleasure Town
It’s important to clarify your desires as well as your no-gos with your partner before your guest is over and the clothes are off. Talk to your S.O. about what you're comfortable with and what you're not, says Eric Marlowe Garrison, clinical and forensic sexologist and author of Mastering Multiple Position Sex. For example, is kissing okay? What about oral or penetration?

You should also talk about whether or not it’s fine to mess around with the third party without your partner getting involved, says Garrison. That will keep jealousy and awkwardness from interfering with your fantasy IRL.

When you’ve found your third wheel, get his full consent to explore the activities you and your partner agreed to, says Garrison. And remember, once you get started, you can totally change your mind. Make sure you voice your concerns as they come up, he says. 

Start Your Engines
“All sex can be pleasurable, but it can’t always be orgasmic, especially in new situations," says Garrison. So focus on having pleasure—not just orgasms."

“If you have access to a hot tub, jacuzzi or even a large shower—use it! All of these make the perfect breeding ground for relaxation and eroticism,” says O’Reilly. That's because they require you to be naked (or almost naked), they're steamy, and they're (literally) hot. Start off by taking turns making out with both men, says Garrison.

Then, it's off to the races. Here's a breakdown of how to make this an experience to remember, no matter what your comfort level.

If...You're Intrigued but Pretty Nervous About the Whole Thing

1. Use a blindfold. While blindfolded, tell the guys to work their way down slowly, kissing, caressing, breathing, licking, and stroking on either side of your body from your neck to your hip bones. Then have them work their way back up to your breasts as slowly as possible. Tell them to wait to give you oral until you give them the go ahead. Then let them fight to get their lips and tongues between your legs, says O’Reilly.

Another option: Let your guy direct the third party around your body while you’re still blindfolded. He can tell him where and when to kiss and what technique you like. 

2. Call the shots. Be descriptive in what you want the two guys to do to you. “People respond better to a direct request than a general one like ‘Who wants to go down on me?” Garrison says. So take control of the situation by directing them.

If...You’re Really Excited to Jump in but Not Quite Sure What to Do

1. Do double duty. With lots of lube start stroking your third party’s member until he’s fully erect while simultaneously going down on your partner. Then, take one shaft in each hand and alternate your mouth between the two, says O’Reilly.

2. Receive all-over oral. Part of the fantasy for many women is experiencing multiple sensations that one person can’t provide, says Garrison. While sitting upright, have one of the guys lightly kiss your neck, making his way down your chest to your nipple. Don't shy in telling him what you like. At the same time, show the other guy with your fingers how you like to be touched, so he knows the right motion and speed in which to move his tongue. Then ask him to jump right in.

If...You’re Ready for Full-On Penetration

If you’re comfortable, try the experience of having two types of penetration at the same time. Since your sex organs have tons of nerves, this kind of double sensation can be surprisingly enjoyable for you, says Garrison. Just be sure to use extra lube.

1.Try double penetration. Start out by mounting one of the guys while he lies down on his back and begin having sex vaginally, says Garrison. Then you can lean forward so that the second guy can penetrate your anus. To maximize pleasure (and minimize pain), have it so the more well-endowed penis is entering through your vagina, suggests Garrison.

2. Add penetration to the 69 position. Straddle one of the guy's faces and have him perform oral sex on you while you perform oral sex on him, or your standard 69, says Garrison. Then have the other guy penetrate you—doggy style. “This can lead to intense pleasure for everyone involved: you, your partner below who wants to see, hear, touch, and taste you, and for your third party who is experiencing vaginal penetration.”

If...You’re Disappointed by the Outcome
These guidelines are flexible so if you find that some of this advice doesn't apply in your particular situation, trust yourselves, says O’Reilly. Some couples who opt to engage in a threesome are disappointed by the fact that the fantasy is often hotter than the reality. So if your first time didn’t measure up, don’t sweat it. Maybe threesomes aren’t your thing—or maybe you just need a bit more practice before you hop back on the double saddle.

9 Views    
Facebook Facebook Twitter Linkedin Google Pinterest

Related Articles

Refer your 10 female friends! Earn Instant 500