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Relationship Female Adda
1 year ago
What Will Turn You On?
No matter what you may have heard, the secret to bringing sexy back isn't Justin Timberlake. It's being in tune with the sensations that make you want to drop your dress and get it on. "Knowing what will turn you on — and why — is key to a great sex life because it gives you control over your own pleasure," says Scott Haltzman, M.D., clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Brown University. Instead of waiting to get excited, learn how to make it happen when and where you want it to. It's as close as you're ever going to get to having an "on" button.

To give you a handle on what makes you horny, we pinpointed the top 12 sexual triggers for women via our biggest online survey yet. Then we asked psychologists and sex therapists why these fleeting moments — the sweaty rush of a hard workout, flirtatious eye contact with a hot stranger — make our thighs go up in flames. And since enough is never enough when it comes to sex, you'll also find innovative tips on how to take each turn-on to the next level, plus (thanks to a menshealth.com survey) which stimulates work for guys too. Is it getting hot in here?

When it Comes to Arousing Your Senses

Survey says Your #1 Turn-On "When a man touches my hair"

Why it works The scalp contains millions of nerve endings (a fact not lost on the folks at Herbal Essences — Yes!). And his fingers running through your locks "is a primal form of nurturing that makes you feel loved," says Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of The Passion Prescription. You know, like when monkeys pick nits from their partners. Don't scrunch your nose: It's evolutionary psychology at work.

Now try Amplify the feeling by asking him to brush your hair — or even better, wash it with warm water, which increases blood flow and therefore pleasure to your scalp. "Putting yourself in his care arouses both of you," Berman says. While women are attracted to good caregivers, "men love when we surrender to their touch," says Patti Britton, Ph.D., clinical sexologist and author of The Art of Sex Coaching.

What else you like "When he kisses my shoulder"

Why it works Because he approaches you unexpectedly. "Surprise kisses send a message of attraction and affection," says Joy Davidson, Ph.D., a New York City sex therapist and the host of the online video series The Joy Spot. "They're sweet and attentive and suggest that he can't keep his hands off you." Few things make our knees buckle more dramatically than being the object of someone's lust. But affectionate surprises aren't just about take-me-now urges, says Molly Barrow, Ph.D., a psychotherapist in Naples, Florida, and author of Matchlines. "We're taught from childhood that when a guy pays attention to the 'big three' (breasts, butt, and V-spot), it means he wants sex." So when he attends to other parts of your body, he's saying your pleasure is more important than his. "He's not going for the immediate score," Barrow says, which makes us less defensive — and more receptive — than when he comes on strong.

Now try Barrow suggests that you and your partner each write down things you wish the other would do to often-ignored parts of your body (smooch your collarbone, flick your earlobe with his tongue, stick his toe in your navel — just kidding!). Then drop them into a jar, pull out one or two before your next romp, and set a rule to avoid the big three for as long as possible during foreplay to heighten anticipation. "Men can go from zero to full-throttle in 6 seconds or less, while women take about 20 minutes to feel ready for intercourse," Barrow says. Prolong his start-up time and make those 20 minutes work to your advantage.

What else you like "When he puts his hand on my thigh"

Why it works "Certain parts of your body, like your inner thigh, are impossible to touch by accident," Dr. Haltzman says. "When you're close enough emotionally to someone to allow him into that space, it's very arousing and reflects the trust you have in each other."

Now try "Direct him to other spots on your body that are off-limits in public," Dr. Haltzman says. Guide him toward the back pocket of your jeans or slide his fingers between the bottom of your foot and the inner sole of your high heel. (Makes those Marc Jacobs slingbacks totally worth the price tag.) "This sends him a message that he can start to explore other personal spaces on his own," he says.

When it Comes to The Gym

Survey Says Your #1 Turn-On "The rush after a long run"

Why it works Exercise triggers the release of dopamine and norepinephrine — the same neurochemicals that surge when you first fall head over heels. It also releases endorphins, increases blood flow, and allows more oxygen to reach your brain, which makes you more alert and heightens your senses. "This parallels what happens during sex," Britton says.

Now try When you get home from work — and before you hit the couch for your Lost fix — try an invigorating yoga pose like cat/cow or do a set of jumping jacks or pushups. "Even walking home from the office or up the stairs with groceries gets your blood pumping," Britton adds. If your heart is pounding, you're more likely to feel in the mood.

What else you like "Watching my muscles while lifting weights"

Why it works "Not only does building muscle support testosterone, a hormone that plays a vital role in sexual desire and sensation," Berman says, "but when a woman sees her muscles get stronger before her eyes, her body image skyrockets." When you feel good about your body, she says, you'll have a stronger libido and better sexual response.

Now try Channel the power and control you feel in the gym into your sex life by being more physical in bed. Experiment with positions that require you to support your own weight by getting on your hands and knees while he enters you from behind, for example, or by resting on your feet and squatting over him. If you like watching your muscles in the gym, you'll love seeing them flex in a strategically placed bedroom mirror. And he will too.

When it comes to the Social Scene

Survey says Your #1 turn-on "Making eye contact with a cute stranger"

Why it works "When eyes meet for the first time, it's profoundly dramatic," Davidson says. "You get a thrill because it carries a sense of sexual possibility." So it's no surprise that "harmless flirtation even though you're taken" came in a close second in our survey. "There's a tinge of naughtiness here," Davidson says. It's also a reminder that even if you "belong" to someone else, you still have independent feelings and desires — and the ability to make heads turn. "Flirting is a provocative thumbs-up to your ego," she says.

Now try "Whether it was playful banter, arm touching, or subtle innuendo, create a snapshot in your mind of your interaction with the outsider," Davidson says. "Then repeat it with your partner."

When it Comes to Eye Candy

Survey says Your #1 turn-on "Seeing my man look sexy in his jeans"

Why it works Jeans are the male equivalent of the push-up bra. We love our guys in Levi's because the look is synonymous with sex symbol — James Dean, Clint Eastwood, Taye Diggs, Brad Pitt, Matt McConaughey...Um, where were we? Oh yeah — but biology has a say in this too. A nice-fitting pair of jeans shows off defined abs, tight glutes, or sexy hipbones, all of which "promise a healthy, virile partner," Barrow says. "That ideal is hardwired in our brains when we're looking for a mate." Why? Because we seek out the best possible genetic material to pass on to our offspring. When that material is covered in denim, all the better.

Now try Men are as much suckers for compliments as we are — and the more you flatter him about the way he looks in his low-rise jeans, the more he'll wear them for you. "Be very specific about where they fit best," Barrow says. "Tell him in a whisper or with a touch." He'll feel sexy because you think he looks sexy. You both win.

What else you like "A man who smells like soap"

Why it works Wanting to jump a man who smells like he just got out of the shower is like craving a croissant when passing a bakery. The scent triggers an appetite you didn't know you had until it wafted your way. Why? Because, according to Barrow, our olfactory system is one of our most powerful sensory pathways, and smells travel directly to the most primal part of our brain. Unlike a heavy cologne, which would block his natural scent, the smell of a mild soap mixes with his pheromones, natural chemicals released by the body that play a role in sexual arousal and attraction, Berman says.

Now try Warm him up. Go for a walk or run together "to raise his body temperature and intensify his natural scent," Davidson says.

When it Comes to Feeling Pretty

Survey says Your #1 turn-on "Lounging in a bubble bath"

Why it works "A bubble bath is like a sensory-deprivation tank: It shuts out noise, work, and responsibilities," Dr. Haltzman says. "One of the fundamentals of female sexual arousal is being able to push daily concerns out of your mind." And, he adds, since we're usually busy managing our mental to-do list, we often miss the signs of our own physical arousal (increased vaginal lubrication and extra sensitivity in our erogenous zones). But warm water increases blood flow to the nerve endings just under the skin's surface, making it more receptive to touch. "Hot water is an automatic lubricant," he says. It helps you tune in to being wet and warm in other sexy ways.

Now try Make hot baths a regular part of your nighttime routine. The more relaxed and aware you are of your body's sensations, the more enthusiastic you'll be about getting it on. And never underestimate the added power of a pulsing handheld showerhead.

What else you like "Wearing sexy lingerie under unsexy jeans and a T-shirt"

Why it works There's nothing like the feel of lace and silk on bare skin. But a lot more is going on here than a synapse party. "There's a contrast between our private and public selves," says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., a marriage therapist in Detroit and the project director of the Early Years of Marriage study at the University of Michigan's Survey Research Center in Ann Arbor. "It's incredibly sexy to think to yourself, 'Since he's special, I'll show him my secret private side,'" Orbuch says. And by holding on to a secret, even for just a little while, you build sensual anticipation knowing that once you reveal it, he'll turn to jelly.

Now try "Establish a signal that only the two of you understand," Berman says. "And put it to work when you're out together." So if, say, flashing the Vulcan salute means "ravish me as soon as we get home," make like Spock just as the waiter brings dinner — you'll definitely be skipping dessert.

When it Comes to Hard Work

Survey says Your #1 turn-on "Getting a big fat paycheck in the mail"

Why it works Money represents power, achievement, and control, Orbuch says. Power and confidence boost self-esteem, which makes you feel more desirable. "A fat paycheck is also intoxicating because of what you can do with it," she adds. If you've ever bought a $300 handbag and felt your spine tingle, you know what we mean.

Now try Reward yourself a little bit each day. Whether it's a 30-minute massage or a quick flirtation with the FedEx guy, a regular, self-affirming treat kick-starts your energy and sex drive. "Thinking of a brilliant new idea" and "shining in a big corporate meeting" ranked second and third in our survey, but they underscore the same kind of thrill: achievement, control, success.

When it Comes to What Turns You on the Most

You said "Being in love" over and over again.

"There are more layers to excitement than having your dopamine levels rise and your heart race so fast that you can't catch your breath," Dr. Haltzman explains. "Feeling a high level of trust and comfort also makes sex more rewarding. What's really exciting for a woman is a sense of completeness. When all the dots are connected, emotional fulfillment takes precedence over biology." Gotta love that.




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