If your idea of fisting is having someone shove their clutched fist up your vagina, then you've got it all wrong. Instead of that punch to the vag approach, fisting actually consists of your partner entering his or her fingers into your love tunnel one by one—until all five digits are past the threshold.
“Fisting [is the] sexual practice in which someone’s entire hand and all five fingers are inserted into the vagina or rectum,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of She Comes First.
As you might imagine, there’s a lot of potential for things to go wrong with this intense move. If you rush into it, your partner’s hand can damage your vaginal muscles and cause scraping and scratches, says Kerner. Eek!
However, when done in a safely with a partner you trust, fisting can provide a pleasurable sense of fullness and lots of vaginal stimulation, says Kerner. So if you and your S.O. want to give fisting a whirl, here’s how to do it the right way.
Because your vagina is about to experience some seriously stimulating "fullness," Kerner recommends keeping lots of lube on hand to use throughout the experience. Hygiene is another major factor when getting hands-y, he says. To prevent scrapes or bacteria from entering your lady bits, make sure your partner’s hands are clean and their fingernails are short. Having latex gloves, or finger condoms, if you will, isn’t a bad idea either. They act as a barrier and can make entering easier, says Kerner.
Foreplay Before You Finger
Getting five fingers in your vagina is no easy task! The key to proper fisting is to stay in the mood. The more aroused and relaxed you are, the better chance you have of nailing this act says Kerner. So start slow with some touching, kissing, massaging, oral, or whatever, before you go deep.
“The general technique is start by entering two fingers to the vagina,” says Kerner. “And you want to start feeling comfortable with those fingers.” Then, once you’re feeling good, your partner can slowly add a third finger. He'll want to bundle his fingers together to form a beak-like shape as he continues to maneuver his hand in, says Kerner. At this point, you can encourage your partner to use his thumb to hit the clitoris for stimulation (because yessssss), while his three fingers stroke the G-spot.
Take It Further
For many couples, having three fingers inside the vagina is enough. But, if you’re feeling A-OK and are ready to take it up a notch, grab more lube and have your partner continue on by inserting his pinky and thumb into the beak formation with the rest of his fingers. Then, slowly and gradually he can move deeper, inserting his knuckles and eventually the wrist.
Once his hand is fully inside you, he can try to expand his fingers to provide different types of stimulation such as using his knuckles to hit the G-spot or turning his hand if it feels good, says Kerner. However, if you’re aiming for an orgasm, then you’re going to want to hit the clit. “The clitoral stimulation is going to be a big enhancer [with fisting],” says Kerner. He suggests calling in backup such as a sex toy, his other hand, or even oral to hit the spot.
Talk Him Through It
You've gotta keep communicating about what feels good and what doesn't, says Kerner. As he’s entering you, describe the sensation and maybe give him advice on what to do next. Kerner says to have him focus on slower, gentler movements as opposed to thrusting like a penis.
Scratching or too much thrusting in your vagina can be dangerous, says Kerner. And if you're feeling anything more than slight discomfort, shut it down. If you're just slightly uncomfortable, add more lube.