Booty = my favorite thing to bite. Booty text = "The lazy, low-commitment version of the booty call," according to Urban Dictionary. But booty text spam? I had no idea what it was until last week when my friend asked me if I was planning on blogging about what she called "booty text spam."
"Um, like a guy sending you booty texts again and again and again?" I asked.
"No no no. Like when a guy sends a booty text message to lots of girls at once," she said matter-of-factly.
"This has happened to you?!?"
Yes, sending mass booty text messages is actually a thing. Just the admission of this makes me die a little bit inside. While there's a lot at work here, I largely blame two social phenomena:
1/ Men are sluts. While his has always been true, their ability to act on it is growing (see #2) 2/ Texting allows men to contact every vagina in their cell's address book in less time than it takes them to get off (already?)
So what do you do when you get a mass booty text? And how do you even know if that's what it is? If your hair color has changed more than five times (two times if you aren't indecisive like me) and the message is generic (eg: Hey, sexy. What's up tonight?), there's a fair chance you're under massive booty text attack.
If you aren't sure (and more importantly, are tempted to get some late-night booty), text him back using A) his full name and B) asking him what he's doing sending you a late night booty text after so long. Now, if he's interested in you, chances are he'll text back using A) your full name and B) giving you a reason that requires recall of your past time together. And no, "our amazing sex" doesn't count.
Still, all of this still requires some faith in the booty texter, which I have very little. Come on, guys. Pick up the damn phone.