One ex went to a strip club for our first vday together and didn't come to my place until 3am covered in body glitter and drunk and another gave me cellulite cream and miscellaneous xmas lotions and lip balm from avon his mom gave him. The only man who's ever given me a nice valentine has always been my daddy!
—Alexandria C. Cosma
I was married for 3 years. The last year we were married, he didn't get me what I wanted (roses). Instead he got me cheesecake. Too bad I'm lactose intolerant and also very allergic to eggs soy and milk! He also knew I was.
3/12 Ryan McVay/Digital Vision/Thinkstock
Last Valentines Day I went on a blind date. He took me to this fabulous little sushi spot and things were going great. It comes up in conversation that he is a black belt in tai quan do. The next thing I know I've been secured in what he referred to as a "Cobra Chokehold" in his attempts to teach me some of his moves. Lets just say, I won't be going on a blind date this Valentine's Day!
—Chloe Ellen DePriest
I complained to my boyfriend of 10 years that I never get flowers so the next year I got a box of assorted "flours"! He thought he was funny, I wasn't laughing (the next year I did get real roses).
My high school boyfriend bought me a pair of used ankle boots from a yard sale. He was proud of himself for adding shoe polish before he gave them to me.
6/12 Ã‚Â©iStockphoto.com/Maria Bibikova
My college boyfriend gets his buddy to let us use his parents' fancy New York apartment while they're out of town. So we make dinner, get naked and start rolling around on the floor.
But this friend's parents have cats and I'm horribly allergic to cats. So I'm sneezing and my eyes are tearing up, but I am determined to ignore it all and have the best sex of my life. THEN my vajayjay must have been exposed to some kitty hair because it starts to swell up. I mean really SWELL UP. I've never seen anything like it before or since. Naturally, the V-day fun stopped there.
7/12 Ã‚Â©iStockphoto.com/Terry J Alcorn
A few years back, I went to a Valentine's Day party thrown by a guy I'd been on one (very hot, very sexy) date with--as his Official Valentine's Day date. When I got to the dark and velvet-swathed champagne lounge, he brought me a glass of bubbly and then left me in the corner while he worked the room. No matter, I had other friends there--right? He came back over to check on me a few times, dipping in for an occasional kiss--and bringing me more drinks. When he asked me if I was ready for a third drink--and if I was free the following night for a second date--I was thrilled.
On route to bring me my drink, however, he was suddenly cut off by a tall, dark brunette woman with legs up to my chin. He leaned in to kiss her cheek hello, and in one swoop, she grabbed him around the neck--AND PRACTICALLY SUCKED HIS FACE OFF. I must have been two feet away, and his arm was extended out to the side since he was caught by surprise and STILL HOLDING MY DRINK!
I was so shocked. I just stood there and watched them make out, with my jaw on the floor. I walked past him, took my champagne from his hand--as this man continued to kiss the girl that wasn't me--and drank it in one gulp. I left, and tried to hail a cab, but it was NYC on V-Day, and everything was taken. Then a white limo pulled up to the curb--it was empty and had just dropped off a couple--and the driver offered to give me a lift for free. I must have looked so pathetic. So I let him. In the back of this huge white limo that someone else paid for, I drank someone else's leftover champagne and lounged in yet another space covered in red velvet.
It was the worst Valentine's Day EVER!
My boyfriend wanted to cook me a romantic dinner, so he went to the trouble of finding a recipe, shopping and cooking for me at his apartment. He chose to cook chicken and stuff it with loads of vegetables and cheese.
Well, apparently he doesn't know about SALMONELLA.
After dinner he was complaining that he wasn't feeling well, and asked If I felt OK. I felt great! I didn't lift a finger to cook! He spent our romantic Valentine's night puking in the bathroom until about 4 a.m., and then, the whole next day in bed.
WASH YOUR HANDS WHEN COOKING CHICKEN!!
9/12 Ã‚Â©iStockphoto.com/Gina Luck
I asked Paul to be my Valentine, and he accepted. We were to exchange gifts with all the other V-Day pairs in the playground of Maplewood Elementary School for all of the single elementary school students to see.
The moment is like having your engagement aired on those jumbo screens at a Lakers Game.
I got very dressed up for the big unveiling in a pink cardigan, skirt and plastic-looking high heels. Stuffed in my backpack beside my lunchbox was a box of chocolates and a card I made with glitter and block letters. When the bell rang, Amanda from Ms. Garner's class told me that Paul was holding hands with Mindy. Apparently, Paul was my Valentine; Mindy was his Valentine; and I was no one's Valentine (The rule I didn't know was that you're not someone's Valentine unless asked to be). I also found the only Player in the third grade!
So, on that day, I sat alone on a swing set and ate an entire box of chocolates.
In the first year of my now 10 year strong marriage, my husband took it upon himself to celebrate our anniversary on February 14th (though not our official wedding date, the date we met in high school, yes High School, 12 years prior).
Poor as church mice, I didn't expect the moon, but when he told me he'd reserved a room in a NYC hotel, with tickets to a Broadway show and dinner, I dared to dream.
Skip to V-Day: we book into The Saint George Hotel on or near 42nd street. I'm not sure this hotel still exists, because it may've been blown up the day after I was forced to sleep there, but it was a fleabag whorehouse of a pay-by-hour joint with bars separating the "concierge" from the junkies in the hall. There was no hot water, there were signs of vermin and it felt like a set from a CSI crime scene. He thought the look on my face was hi-larious. But I love this man.
Next stop, BROADWAY!!!! Nosebleed seats, by which I mean, the vertigo-inducing last row in the balcony seats to see "The Sunshine Boys" staring Tony Randall, where I swear we were the only two people in the audience under 60. I couldn't see the stage because to do so meant leaning way over and nearly vomiting at the sight of the drop. Never mind. Hubby is so proud. I am smiling through the spit up in my throat.
But wait! Dinner is served at Firebird--the ancient old Russian theater district restaurant with the interior the exact replica of a Faberge egg, the waiters meaner than catholic nuns, and the food straight out of a 1950s cookbook. But he bought me a rose from a pushy tableside rose seller, looked into my eyes and told me I was the love of his life and asked if I would marry him again. I said yes. I still do every year. I just made all the reservations from then on.
11/12 Ã‚Â©iStockphoto.com/Ana Abejon
I once met a girl named Allison at our high school temple dance. She laughed at my (lack of) dance moves during Bel Biv DeVoe's "Poison" and pulled me close during Boyz II Men's "End of the Road." We looked into each other's eyes and made outÃ¢â‚¬”on the dance floorÃ¢â‚¬”for the entire song. She left me that night after writing her phone number on my hand in pink magic marker.
For the next two weeks, we spent hours talking on the phone every night and she agreed to be my Valentine. On February 14, I showed up at her parents with a card, a dozen roses, and a mix tape. When Allison opened the door she said, "Oh, you're the other guy from the dance. I don't want to go out with you." She shut the door...opened it up again...and handed me my mix tape.
She kept the flowers and left me standing alone.
Sad night. But I still have the mix tape. Kriss Kross rocks!
In junior high, I bought a box of chocolates to give to a boy I had a crush on but had never approached. I gave him the candy, and he laughed in my face, and still took it!
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