A sexy, adventurous man may sound like a great dateÃ¢â‚¬”but how do you know if heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d make a great partner?
Ty Tashiro, Ph.D., author of the new book The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love, considered dozens of studies on multiple personality traits in order to nail down the ones that often lead to successful relationships.
The next time youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re sizing someone up, these are the personality jackpotsÃ¢â‚¬”and red flagsÃ¢â‚¬”Tashiro says to watch out for:
HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Not Only About Thrills
A new guy whoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s spontaneous, fun, and a total adrenaline junkie has a trait called Ã¢â‚¬Å“novelty seeking,Ã¢â‚¬Â says Tashiro. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s awesome at the beginning of a relationship (see: super creative dates), but the problem with someone whoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s addicted to constant thrills is that he also gets bored quickly. High novelty seekers are more likely to cheat, substance abuseÃ¢â‚¬”Ã¢â‚¬Å“all kinds of negative things that arenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t healthy for a relationship,Ã¢â‚¬Â says Tashiro. Whereas someone who finds at least a certain degree of comfort in the routine is likely to be a better partner.
Not in a Ã¢â‚¬Å“youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re always rightÃ¢â‚¬Â kind of wayÃ¢â‚¬”this is someone whoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s empathic, kind, and wants to try to see things from your perspective. Ã¢â‚¬Å“The opposite would be someone whoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s mean,Ã¢â‚¬Â says Tashiro. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Of course, in a romantic relationship, both people will have their ups and downs. You want somebody whoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s going to be patient and understanding.Ã¢â‚¬Â (Bonus: It follows that someone who wants to make you happy will try to make you happy in all scenariosÃ¢â‚¬”like in bed.)
HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Not into Drama
The trait you want here is Ã¢â‚¬Å“emotional stability.Ã¢â‚¬Â Ã¢â‚¬Å“You probably know some people who are just such an asset to have around,Ã¢â‚¬Â says Tashiro. Ã¢â‚¬Å“If you have a bad day, theyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re not going to get bent out of shape about it. If youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re in a stressful situation, theyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re going to remain calm.Ã¢â‚¬Â On the other end of the spectrum are people who are highly reactive. Ã¢â‚¬Å“They might take a comment or a gesture from their partner thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s actually neutral and see it in a way that they think is malicious or negative,Ã¢â‚¬Â he says. Conflicts, both big and little, come up in any relationshipÃ¢â‚¬”and itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s way easier to face them with a person who keeps a level head.
Clearly, there are some people out there who donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t fit squarely into all three of these categories but would still make great partners. The important thing to keep in mind: These personality traits all exist on a continuumÃ¢â‚¬”so while it would be almost impossible to find someone whoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s at the far end of all three spectrums, youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll still benefit from looking for a person who exhibits at least some tendencies toward each of these qualities.
To learn about more characteristics to look for in a potential match, check out The Science of Happily Ever After.