So, you’ve been married for a few years now and you’re starting to feel like the shine has come off a bit. You can’t put your finger on why, but something definitely seems “off”. She doesn’t look at you the way she used to and the bed has become little more than a place where you sleep.
Now, if you are smart, you already realize that it probably isn’t any one person’s fault and that relationships tend to settle down a bit as the years go by, but you also know that, without at least a spark of that old magic, things are going to fall apart. After all, there’s a reason divorce rates are through the roof and many people feel trapped in unfulfilling marriages.
You genuinely love your wife, and you don’t want to be like those other couples that drift into dull ruts and just tough it out until they die or divorce. Surely there’s something you can do to make this better, but what?
Here’s the secret, you have to work to keep that flame alive or the fire will die. You need to take honest stock of who you are and what you are bringing to the table. All too often, the real work of keeping a marriage afloat falls to the wife and it shouldn’t be that way.
While they are going out of their way to keep fit, improve themselves, care for the children, and still find time to make their husbands feel loved and needed, we remain content to simply go to work, watch the game, and let ourselves go physically. That’s messed up!
I’m not saying this is always the case, but it is certainly an observable trend. The first step to getting your marriage back on track is taking serious stock of ourselves, finding our faults, and mercilessly attacking them. We need to be sure that we are the best husbands we can be so, at the very least, if things fall apart, we know we tried our best.
We need to be the man she fell in love with, and more to the point, we need to grow into the man she can continue to love. We need to be her Adonis Alpha, her ideal man.
Here are 5 ways you can improve yourself as a husband and remind her why you’re the only man she’ll ever need
1. Don’t complain about problems, fix them
There is an old saying that goes, “It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.”
If you find yourself internally complaining about a problem and getting angry when it doesn’t magically fix itself, you seriously need to snap out of it and do the job that is in front of you. Ignoring or internalizing problems in your relationship is like feeding it poison. You will get bitter, she will get bitter, and you will both, eventually, get divorced and that will be bitter too.
Conversely, if you find yourself getting annoyed with your wife because she is always trying to talk about her feelings or problems in the relationship that you don’t see as problems, you’re being a jerk and you need to check yourself. She’s lighting a candle, man, go to the light!
A good husband knows when it’s time to roll up his sleeves and get to doing the things that need doing. Which leads us to our next point.
2. Be handy around the house
I don’t necessarily mean in the old-fashioned “guys should fix stuff” sort of way, although that helps too- I mean you should share equally in the tasks around the house that need to be done. If you really respect your wife, you should be able to do that without having to be asked. You know that dishes need to be washed and clothes need to be folded. As I said before, a real man, a good man, does the job that is in front of him.
It’s a matter of respect. I’m guessing you wouldn’t marry someone who you can’t even respect, so act like you respect her as an equal and do your part to maintain balance in your household and she will return that respect to you.
3. Cultivate confidence
Women love a man who is self-assured and confident in his abilities and marriage doesn’t change that. Be the kind of guy who isn’t afraid to fail in a grand fashion, it’s better than failing meekly.
When your wife sees you boldly taking chances to improve your families position and level of comfort, she will see you as a hero whether you win or lose. Fortune favors the bold and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Fortune is traditionally depicted as a woman.
This also applies to jealousy. Nothing screams lack of confidence like a jealous man. Half the people in the world are men and it is inevitable that your wife is going to befriend a few of them. She married you, she comes home to you, she loves you, and that should be a source of confidence, not insecurity.
If you want to ruin your marriage in a hurry, act like a jealous child. You expect your wife to respect you enough to give you her trust, the least you can do is offer the same in return.
4. It takes two to tango
Sex is a hugely important aspect of any relationship and it is often one of the major sticking points that lead to the downfall of a marriage. However, thanks to all sorts of unhealthy social conditioning, it is often a topic that we avoid talking about, even with our spouses.
Let’s be honest, guys, most of us could be a little more thoughtful of our wives when it comes to sex.After we’ve been together with the same person for a long time we tend to get complacent and stop doing all the little things that used to drive her wild in bed. I’m not saying that it is always our fault when the magic dies in the bedroom, but we definitely share the blame.
Take the time to ask her what she wants in bed and, more importantly, take the initiative and start improving your skills between the sheets independently. If you put in the effort in the bedroom, you might find your lady is a lot freakier than you thought. She probably just needs a little motivation.
5. Hit the gym
For better or worse, women are generally more attentive to their appearance and health. Many husbands bemoan the fact that their wife is always trying to get them to eat healthily and exercise more. It’s not just a matter of looking good, she also wants you to be healthy because she doesn’t want to lose you to some easily preventable illness that’s brought on through inactivity or poor diet.
“Nagging” us about our health is actually a subtle way of saying they love us. Whether they realize it or not, it’s also a way of saying it would be nice if you looked at your appearance a bit while you’re at it!
If you want to be a demon in the sack and have as many happy years as possible with your wife, you need to face the fact that you’re going to have to put a little work into your body. Besides, going to the gym together is a great way to share a common interest and activity that will help strengthen your emotional bond while, at the same time, keep you both looking great and fighting fit for when you’re wrestling between the sheets. It’s really a win-win; Quit being a baby and do what needs doing!
Ultimately, what you get out of your marriage will be determined by what you put into it. As men, we need to realize that traditional relationship roles have changed and we need to adapt our old-fashioned male mindsets to the modern rigors of contemporary marriage. We still need to be strong, confident, and decisive but these traits have taken on new forms in our rapidly changing society. The world is evolving, don’t get left behind, fellas.