Enthusiasm trumps experience and tricky moves, and the best sex can't be measured by one person's performance. It's about give-and-take, understanding your partner, and unpredictabilityÃ¢â‚¬”so pounce on him when he least expects it.
Through his teeth. You can't blame him though: Transparency isn't always easy when it comes to the kinky stuff. He's probably worried you'll react badly, get jealous over a daydream about his Pilates instructor at the gym, or judge him for being into something that you're not. So if you're going to push this conversation, you have to keep an open mind. The best way to get him to spill the beans? Cop to a fantasy of your own firstÃ¢â‚¬”something tame to start. If that goes well, you can take turns, ratcheting up the raunch factor and maybe even trying a thing or two along the way.
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Date nights for married couples: totally cheesy or are they actually a good idea? Calling it date night is cheesier than a bad chick flick. But the occasional night out is a great ideaÃ¢â‚¬”a necessity even. Just don't let it become part of your rut. Hit the newest cocktail joints in your area and keep the babysitter up late. Or make out in the car for a while before you head into the house. You'll inject your relationship with some new life and give yourselves enough fresh memories to carry you through until the next escape.
Most guys would rock a pink pubic Mohawk if they thought it would get them more sex. We're pretty easy that way. Bring it up in a casual non-bedroom setting: "I'm due for a trim down there. How about you do the same and we'll compare later?"
Less is definitely more, but rather than stick with a signature 'do, switch it up. Change keeps us guessingÃ¢â‚¬”and guessing keeps us interested. So maybe you start with a trimmed-down triangle. After a few weeks, whack it down to a landing strip. Then wait for a special occasion and take it all off. Wait a while, then let the grass grow back the same way it came offÃ¢â‚¬”start with a strip, then allow it to gradually fluff up and widen out.
Like a bad haircut, you're going to have to wait this one out. Sucks, I know, but once his number is out of the bag, this pointlessÃ¢â‚¬”but potentÃ¢â‚¬”piece of sexual intel will stop warping your brain only after you've established a track record together. And that takes time. Think about it this way: Why would he be so honest about his past if he wanted to repeat it? And if you're worried about not measuring up, don't. Those girlsÃ¢â‚¬”all of themÃ¢â‚¬”are sexual history for a reason.
You both ought to be more flexible. If you're into wake-up sex, ask him what it will take for him to rise to the occasion. He may be more willing if you accommoÃ‚Â¬date him once in a while too. Sure, it's tough to summon the energy for a drawn-out sex session after a long day, but you can take the pressure off with an after-work quickie before exhaustion settles in. Or ask him for a 5-minute massage to help you shed the tension of the dayÃ¢â‚¬”and you both get in the mood.
Guys slobber over surround sound and subwoofers for a reason: We like aural. Loud sex doesn't just add something to the physical and visual sensations we receive, it's also proof you're enjoying yourselfÃ¢â‚¬”and when you're turned on, we're turned on.
Caught? Well, it's not as if you found him stashing a dead body. I know this is hard to believe, but even sex with a gorgeous woman like you won't make a guy forget about the fun factory between his legs. (There's no pressure to perform on solo excursions, which is why guys like them.) But if it bothers you, lay down some rules. One: He should choose his moments wisely (when you aren't likely to interrupt). Two: Like a backpacker, he should leave no traceÃ¢â‚¬”in the garbage, the computer's cache, etc. And three: He's augmenting his sex life, not replacing it. If there's something he wants in bed, he needs to ask.
Lame hints or jabs about your coworker's massive orchid delivery will only add to the pressure he probably already feels. Take the stress off by telling him you're okay with whatever he comes up with, whether it's watching the sunset together or mowing a heart into the lawn. That said, it's fair to tell him your favorite kind of flower or the name of a restaurant you want to try.
I'm partial to a well-worn Chicago Cubs T-shirt and a come-hither look. But you can't go wrong if you follow these three rules. One: Less isn't necessarily more. A snug fit can conjure up more daydreams than an eyeful of thigh. Two: Ditch the six-inch heels and contortionist bras. If you're not comfortable in your clothes, we won't be comfortable watching you in them. And finally, when in doubt, go with jeans that hug your ass and a soft cotton shirtÃ¢â‚¬”one just tight enough for us to imagine how you'd feel in our hands.
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He's jumping the gun because he knows he can. Slow his roll the next time he tries skipping steps, then remind him just how hot it was before he'd seen the promised land. Your best bet: taking things outside, like to a park. There's no better time than late summer to sprawl out on a picnic blanket, pop a bottle of white, and start whispering dirty ideas in his ear and kissing a little. The public setting will cuff his wandering hands. Wait until he's frothing at the mouth, then tell him it's time to go home. You'll break 14 traffic laws en route, rock the bed off the box springs, and make your point: Good things come to those who wait.
If you're shy about revealing your raunchier daydreams or if sex between you has been vanilla so far, start small. Maybe you slip on a pair of four-inch pumps and suddenly you're his sexy secretary, or a pair of cowboy boots turns him into a rough rider. "Finding" something in the room to spark the role-play makes it seem less premeditated, and will ease the transition for both of you.
Ever see a 10-year-old tear into a Christmas present? That's pretty much what lingerie does to a guy. The better the packaging, the sooner it's stripped off, so think twice before dropping half your paycheck on velvet hems, tulle trim, or mother-of-pearl clasps. Though guys do appreciate the effort, most are satisfied with the simple stuff: silky favorites and skimpy cuts that hug your curves like a roadster on the California coast.