For a young single male, Nate Bagley has wisdom beyond his years. He was exasperated with most of the love stories he heard, involving toxic relationships or syrupy sweet romances. He took it upon himself to dig deeper, putting his life savings into a project to discover the secrets to happy long-term relationships. After traversing the length and breadth of the globe meeting happy couples in enduring relationships he began sharing what he learned.
Relationship Hacks From A Guy Who Quit His Job And Spent A Year Interviewing Couples In Love
The Secrets Of Successful Relationships
Here’s some of the relationship wisdom that Nate shared on Reddit:
Successful Relationship Secrets: Self Love
“Emotionally healthy adults are capable of forgiveness and can also take responsibility for their own roles in conflicts”
Self love ranks surprisingly high and is one of the striking characteristics of individuals in the happiest relationships. Emotionally healthy adults are capable of forgiveness and can also take responsibility for their own roles in conflicts. They have higher levels of self-awareness, making them assertive enough to hold their own, while being loving even when it’s hard to give love.
Successful Relationship Secrets: Commitment
“Couples who know that they can always count on each other even when things get tough are invariably the happiest”
The high degree of commitment to each other and the relationship was the next most important feature of individuals in healthy relationships. Couples who know that they can always count on each other even when things get tough are invariably the happiest. They would never consider walking out on each other as they believe they are better off together, despite the world going to hell around them!
Successful Relationship Secrets: Trust
“Individuals in a happy relationship trust each other completely and never have to worry about being judged, sabotaged, undermined, or manipulated by their partners”
We’ve heard it before and it’s true — trust is the corner stone of any successful relationship. Individuals in a happy relationship trust each other completely and never have to worry about being judged, sabotaged, undermined, or manipulated by their partners. This level of trust is cultivated over years, through unfailing support and actions that demonstrate fidelity, reliability, and emotional security. You will never have to second guess each other, as you can always be sure that every action is driven by your best interests.
Successful Relationship Secrets: Intentionality
“Making a conscious or intentional effort to keep the romance alive, to work on the relationship, or to connect with and make your partner happy is key to being in love and staying that way”
Making a conscious or intentional effort to keep the romance alive, to work on the relationship, or to connect with and make your partner happy is key to being in love and staying that way. In Nate’s words, ‘There’s a difference between the couple who drives through the rainstorm and the couple who pulls their car to the side of the road to make out in the rain.’ Of course, it’s not just about grand romantic gestures and expensive gifts. It’s about getting out of your comfort zone and doing things or encouraging your partner to do things that make them happy, no matter how inconvenient and discomforting to you.
Relationship Tips For Conflict Resolution
There’s no real relationship without some kind of disagreement and conflict. Every couple fights from time to time, as friction is absolutely unavoidable in a long term relationship, whether romantic or platonic. In healthy relationships however, couples are adept at handling such situations. Here’s what Nate learned about resolving relationship conflicts:
It’s Not A Contest
If there’s a winner in your relationship quarrels, you’re honestly both losers. Happy couples never fight each other to win. They disagree occasionally and argue to arrive at a consensus, not to be victorious at the expense of their partners.
Deep rooted tensions and unresolved conflicts often come to the surface with inane fights about trivial issues. In such situations, it’s important to dig deeper and find out what’s really bothering your partner. Instead of trying to settle the current argument (irrespective of whether you’re in the right), show concern and compassion by getting to the root of the problem and finding a resolution for it.
Even if you’re in the middle of a fight, don’t forget that you’re fighting with someone you love. Don’t resort to name calling and don’t be spiteful. Avoid raking up issues from the past and trying to hurt the other person simply to prove your point. Learn to disagree respectfully and argue in a civil manner.
With all the interview footage and wisdom he gathered during his travels, Nate is working on a relationship documentary called The Loveumentary . We can only hope that the knowledge he gathered helps reaffirm your faith in true love, just as it did for him!
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