Relationship Female Adda
10 months ago
Reasons why women should initiate sex

Ram Leela

An anonymous blog on Tumblr, howtomakemecome, dedicated to women discussing sex, says, “Women are raised from birth to take treatment and receive behaviours, and not tell the truth about what we want/like.” The blog seems to rail against the notion that women are passive agents in bed.

Traditionally, men are always assigned the role of a sex initiator. Global studies, however, show women are as libidinous as men and equally keen on initiating sex. An eye-opening survey, done a couple of years ago by the fertility app Kindara, came up with some myth-busting data. Out of the 500 women polled across the world, 75 per cent said they would like to be having sex more than three times a week. About 13 per cent said they would like to have sex six times a week.

But women still hesitate to initiate sex. “The fear of being seen or judged as ‘sex-starved’ is what typically holds a woman back from expressing her desires,” says Padmini Dutt Sharma, an US-based author who writes on marriage, relationship and female sexuality. “Indian women have been taught to believe that they must play a subordinate role and keep themselves subjugated to the master’s will.”

Experts believe social dictates like these can hurt your ability to receive pleasure. It’s time to understand that you are in control of your desire. Besides, overcoming this little bit of psychological reluctance can solve many other seemingly unrelated, relationship and personal problems.

Femina

It boosts confidence
Rubena Roy (name changed on request), a 35 year old school teacher, feels empowered whenever her demands for sex are met by her boyfriend. “I am not aggressive, but I give these meaningful signals.” She says. “For instance, I get turned on whenever he’s in formals and I say something like, ‘Meet me in the bedroom, It makes me feel good that I can openly tell him that I want himi!” She adds that her proactive role in sex has given her a greater confidence in herself and her relationship.

It’s a big turn-on
Even if you are a Fifty Shades of Grey fan and believe submission is erotic, do consider throwing him around in the bedroom for a change. “Men often can fail to gauge a women’s needs,” says Dutt Sharma. “She needs to express that her body needs to be explored and her initiative will only help him satisfy their mutual desires to the fullest.”

It strengthens your bond
In his bestselling book, Crazy Good Sex, American psychologist Les Parrott writes that women tend to see sex as a way to bond emotionally. Says Dutt Sharma, “Sex isn’t just about morality or doctrines, social dogmas or taboos, it is also about emotional connect.”

In other words, physical intimacy can make you feel more attached to your partner and this heightened sense of connectedness can lead to a greater satisfaction in your relationship. Science too shows how sex can bring in emotional attachment. It causes the body to release happy hormones that destress you. The less stressed you are, the more connected you feel with your partner.

It takes the pressure off
“Women do have a fear of rejection.” Says Dr Nupur Gupta, senior consultant and unit head, obstetrics and gynaecology, Paras Hospitals, Gurgaon. But then she points out men do too. They too can dither about taking the lead. Take Devdoot Roy (name changed), a 31-year-old post-doctoral scholar based in Delhi. He has been dating his batchmate for a few months now, secretly hoping hat she will take charge of sexual matters. He fears that if he initiates sex, it might offend her. “I would really like her to make the first move,” says Roy.

Experts also say men often feel the burden of ensuring pleasure at all costs. So if a woman takes charge, it can alleviate some of the pressure. Dr Prakash Kothari, a sexologist based in Mumbai, says. “Both women and men should understand sex is not a performance, it’s meant for mutual pleasure.”

Femina

Some more tips
Follow these basic steps and take charge of your own pleasure.

Remove distractions
Parrott says women can be more vulnerable to distractions from sex. So make sure to clear space in your mind and your schedule to be able to focus on pleasure.

Talk about it
Dr Kothari says, “Talk about what you like and don’t like. This ensures a catharsis of sorts and impacts other areas of your relationship too.”

Start sexting
Exchange sexy texts with your partner throughout the day. “I am hooked on sexting. I love sending him suggestive GIFs too,” says Reshmi Sen (name changed on request), a PR professional based in Kolkata. “Frankly, this makes us look forward to having a great time together!”

Try something new
Without waiting for him, start the foreplay. “Foreplay is to sex what warm-up is to exercise,” says Dr Kothari. Get out of your comfort zone, try new positions. A new angle could make all the difference.


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