This post was written by Alison Bonaguro, and originally appeared on MensHealth.com
So, there’s a guy in Miami named John. He’s in his 40s, has some serious discretionary income, says he is about 6’1” and takes good care of himself. He seems like the perfect catch. Oh, and he has an English accent that makes him sound sexy as hell. Or at least as sexy as Hugh Grant.
So why is this man paying about $100,000 annually to date?
The good people of Men's Health decided to find out...
Men’s Health: Most people who hear about older men paying for the loving of a younger woman assume it’s prostitution, or at least prostitution-light. Because you’re essentially paying for sex. What’s the difference?
John: Well, I’m not picking a girl up off the street...I suppose there could be a fine line. But I see these girls, I get to know them, and I do things financially for them. If I was married, I would probably do the same. I’m seeing a girl who needs stability, and I’m helping her out. Although if there wasn’t sex involved, would I do it? Probably not.
MH: When did you become a sugar daddy? Was there a certain point in your life when you decided that relationships were getting too complicated?
J: Probably three years ago. Maybe longer. And it really does simplify things, and it takes the stresses and strains out of it. Because if I was in a normal relationship, there are more things to think about. With this, I know what the deal is. The girls know why I’m with them.
"I’m seeing a girl who needs stability, and I’m helping her out."
MH: Who initiates that relationship? Does she come to you, or do you approach her?
J: Since I’ve been going about it online, I’ve gone into complete Internet mode. Women do expect the guy to make the move—just like in a bar, the girls rarely come up to the guy—so I have my own method of how I use the site. (He uses sugardaddie.com.) I make the initial move.
MH: And then on that first date, is there haggling about price? Or are you just like, “This is the salary. Take it or leave it?”
J: There are a couple of girls I’m seeing at the moment, and what it boils down to is that obviously we both know why we’re on the site. But it varies. Some girls are really comfortable with asking for certain things.
In fact, you always know when you meet a seasoned veteran, because I’ve met girls who have mentioned nothing about an allowance, and others do so immediately. One particular girl I am seeing, I give her $1,000 every time I see her. Sometimes I walk away thinking, “What the hell am I doing? Why did I just do that?”
MH: But something about these younger women makes you feel like they’re worth that kind of cash. What is it? What qualities are attractive to you?
J: I’m looking for younger women. I tend to like girls in their mid 20s. Maybe it does do something for my psyche when I’ve got a young hot girl on my arm.
Once I meet a girl for the first time, I immediately know if I want to pursue it or not. Because of my intuition. You’ve been on dates, I’m sure, where you’ve thought, “Oh God. I want to get out of here.” We all have. I’m no exception. I have met some really beautiful women, but there just wasn’t anything there.
"Some girls are really comfortable with asking for certain things."
MH: Would you ever fire a girl?
J: If she came to me saying she wanted more, I’d have to let her go. With one girl recently, I felt like she was trying to take advantage of me, and she pushed, pushed, pushed for more, more, more. And I was tired of her. Not the sex, I was just tired with the set up. So I didn’t fire her, but I just stopped contacting her, and I blocked her number.
MH: Do you go on dates, or is it all about the end game?
J: It varies, but usually, really, it is not a social thing. We don’t go out. I found that strange in the beginning, but I’ve become accustomed to that now. It is what it is, we are not going to bother going out.
MH: Have you ever found yourself falling in love with one of the sugar babies?
J: I’ve thought I was in love, but then I came to my senses and I realized it was just lust. I’m not some kind of sex machine where I have to have sex all the time. It’s just that once it was over, I realized it was the lust side that was keeping me in the relationship.
MH: What are the ground rules? If you’re providing a generous amount of money to a girl, does that mean she’s at your beck and call?
J: No, unfortunately. Everything is pre-planned. There is no spontaneity at all.
"I’m not some kind of sex machine where I have to have sex all the time."
MH: So how often do you see her, then? And do you text or talk between dates?
J: I see each girl about two or three times a month. But there isn’t a lot of communication when we are not together. I found that very awkward at the beginning. When I do see a girl, I connect with her. But I’ve been in normal relationships where you wonder what she’s thinking, you wonder if she got that text message. These girls eliminate all that because the only text I get is, “Do you want to come over?”
MH: Let’s do some math. If you pay each girl $1000 for visit, and you’re seeing them on average three times a month, that comes to $36,000 a year. And you’re seeing a few girls at once, so it’s costing you around $70,000 a year.
J: God. Wow. It really adds up, right? I don’t tell my accountant that. And that would just be the minimal side of it, without taking them out and flying them in and all the other expenses. It could really rack up. I hate to think this, but it’s probably about $100,000.
"When I do see a girl, I connect with her."
But I don’t see this as a vice or addiction. It’s just a way of socializing. I haven’t got a chart up on the wall of all the girls I’ve met, I just sort of pursue what I can and then move on.
MH: If it wasn’t for the sugar daddy websites, would you be stuck dating women your own age?
J: Possibly. But hopefully not. Put it this way, when I’m out with these girls, it wouldn’t be that scenario of someone looking at me and thinking, “She’s only with him for the money.” You know those situations, where you think, “That guy’s either got a ton of money or a ton of something else.” I hope nobody looks at me and thinks that.