Make the First Move

 

Chemistry doesn't happen online. So cut the small talk, emoticons, and get straight to the date.

Sometimes (actually a lot of times), that means making the first move. Guys assume (pretty accurately) that girls like to take it slow online. So most won't ask you out as soon as the thought crosses their minds. And let's face it, if a guy messages you, he's pretty much game for sleeping with you. So he'd probably be up for a cup of coffee. In other words, you've got nothing to lose by making the first move—except all those hours you'd otherwise be spending in front of the computer instead of out on fun dates.

Here are my 6 tips for asking out a match and successfully making the move from online to offline.



1. Talk for a bit, first. While you don't want to chat for a month before meeting in person, don't make your very first message a date invitation. After all, you don't want to look like you're desperate—because you're not! Aim for shooting a few messages back and forth before you make your move.

2. Calm down. Online, the pressure is off. You can write—and rewrite—the message as many times as you want. And you don’t have to see the guy’s face when he receives your date proposition by email. Remember back in the day when you passed your crush a note that said "Do you want to go out? Circle yes or no."? It's like that, but less traumatizing than when everyone in the class was watching.

3. Keep it casual. All you really have to say is, "Want to get coffee sometime?" Easy peasy. (I do refrain from saying "meet up" or "get together," just because I'm leery of booty-call miscommunications.)

4. Work it in. To your conversation, that is. Have you been chatting about your mutual love of ice cream? Suggest you go to your favorite ice cream shop. You know he'll like it, after all. Has he asked what you're doing this weekend? Ask him to join you Sunday for brunch. The key is not to come out of left field.

5. Be patient. If you don't get a response right away, give it some time before you send him a (short!) follow-up message. Many people are online dating sites because they are, in fact, busy. Pestering a stranger online will just scare off just about anyone.

6. Shake it off. If you don't hear back, oh well. The date probably wouldn't have gone that well, anyway. And you didn't have to spend hours on end to figure it out.

More from WH
How to Write an Online Dating Message
Genetic Compatibility
What Makes a Good Relationship?

photo: iStockphoto/Thinkstock

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