How to cope with a partner who likes vanilla sex

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You feel like banging your head against a brick wall every time your partner plays safe and sticks to vanilla sex. The latter is generally considered a conventional kind of lovemaking involving staid missionary position and it's completely devoid of wild things such as BDSM and fetishes. So how do you encourage your partner to be a bit sexperimental? How do you make him realise that there's more to your sex life than just vanilla coitus? Here are some tips:

Tackle the V-word first. Explain to him that the word, 'vanilla', isn't quite flattering.


Discuss your sexual fantasies with him. Encourage him to talk about his own. Try to make him reconnect with his sexual side.


Meet couples for whom sexperimentation has worked wonders. Stories of boldness and adventure can be stimulating.


Explain to him the science of why vanilla might not work - sex (read good sex) releases feel-good hormones like endorphins and cuddle hormones like oxytocin, that are believed to be encouraging feelings of affection and belonging. Non-vanilla sex can lead to greater emotional intimacy.


Maybe he has a mental block or he's extraordinarily shy. Take the lead and encourage him to shed inhibitions.


Experts advise role-playing as well. For instance, you can pretend to be strangers meeting for the very first time.


Pursue activities that can help you both to unleash your wild side or bring to life your sensual side. For instance, make him learn salsa and help him work up those good hormones.


Try to make him see the damaging side effects of vanilla sex. For instance, it can lead to unadulterated boredom and that in turn can raise separation risk.


Revisit places that once used to ignite your passion for each other. Maybe the spots where you had been intimate before. Basically, places that can trigger happy memories.

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