Coming at the same time seems about as complicated as a mission to Mars, right? And yet, it also seems to be on everyone's f*ck-it list.
Simultanous orgasms aren’t just the holy grail of sex hotness; they can leave you with a stronger relationship and sense of life satisfaction, too, according to a 2011 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. But since it takes women around 20 minutes to climax and men around, oh, two, you’ll have to work at some serious synchronization (hey, anything worth having doesn't come easy, right?).
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We spoke with New York City-based sex and relationship therapist Jane Greer, Ph.D, about the most promising ways to achieve this kind of super-connected finish—no matter how you're getting frisky.
Digital manipulation is one of the easiest ways for women to orgasm, which makes this a no-fuss starting point. “Let him work on you first because it’s going to take more time for you to heat up,” says Greer. Once your C-spot is ticking (kiss him harder when he’s found a stroke and speed that works best), reach for his shaft and softly glide your hands up and down. Feel like he’s getting too excited too fast? Avoid the underneath side of his shaft and the corona—the ridge where the head meets the base. Meanwhile, bringing a vibrator into play can amplify the sensations on your end so you hit the grand finale together.
Tandem oral sex—otherwise known as 69ing—can be tricky because there’s not a ton of eye-to-eye communication going on (obviously). Pick some non-verbal cues (like have him squeeze your butt) to signal he’s getting close, then give him short breaks and use your lips elsewhere (like talking dirty or kissing the insides of his thighs) while his tongue catches you up. Or try this last-ditch tip if he’s close to the brink and you’re not: “Gently grab or squeeze the head of his penis, which will stop blood flow and slow down his orgasm,” says Greer.
Pick a position that puts pressure on the clitoris—the climax clincher for a lot of women—and allows you to control the pace of thrusting. Try straddling him in a chair, or kneel over him backward (reverse cowgirl) in bed, which allows you to touch yourself for added stimulation. (News flash: simpler is usually better when it comes to climaxing, so you may want to save the acrobatics for another night.) “If he needs to slow down, have him rotate from deep penetration [in and out = explosions] to more shallow rocking back and forth,” says Greer. Miss it on the first try? You’ll have better luck peaking together on round two—his stamina will improve, and you’ll be aroused, lubricated, and ready to rock.