Trends Female Adda
1 year ago
How to Be More Popular—Instantly!

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Sometimes you click with people; sometimes you don't. The chemicals in your brain, not your actions, often decide this. But you can actually overrule biology by creating chemistry with just about anybody. "There are small things you can do to stimulate the release of the feel-good brain chemicals dopamine and oxytocin, which are associated with building bonds and trust," says Larry Young, Ph.D., an expert in social behavioral neuroscience and coauthor of The Chemistry Between Us: Love, Sex, and the Science of Attraction. These smart strategies aren't just for romantic relationships—they'll show you how to make people like you, and help you gain a competitive edge in a range of situations.

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The Great Uniter: Make Eye Contact

Looking people in the eye has benefits beyond just being polite. "Holding someone's gaze creates a spark in their brain that makes them think you have chemistry," says Leil Lowndes, author of How to Create Chemistry with Anyone. Catching a guy's eye from across a room can get him to approach you, but prolonged eye contact can also help in nonromantic situations, like negotiations.

Research shows that making eye contact is an important part of establishing a meaningful rapport with others. But be careful that you don't stare like a stalker. Avoid holding someone's gaze for longer than 30 seconds, says Lowndes. And if they seem uncomfortable, "try alluding to something in the room, like a painting or a piece of furniture, so that your eyes and theirs can drift away from each other for a moment," she says. "They'll relax."

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The Great Uniter: Copy Speech Patterns

You know how all of your friends refer to a certain thing the same way (e.g., jewelry is bling)? There's a reason: When you click with someone, you naturally adopt words and phrases from each other. But you can fake this rapport.

Listen to, say, a boss or hiring manager's choice of nouns, verbs, adverbs, and adjectives, then echo them back, says Lowndes. For example, if she says copy machine instead of copier, you should do the same.

"Hearing their own words come out of your mouth makes them feel as if you share their values, attitudes, and interests," says Lowndes. But stick to key words only—fotherwise it just gets weird.

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The Great Uniter: Mimic Body Language

Therapists often mirror their clients' ways of sitting, crossing their legs, or gesturing when they want them to feel more comfortable—and this body-language mimicry can also work for you, says Kelly Campbell, Ph.D., an assistant professor of psychology at California State University at San Bernardino.

If you're trying to crack your coworker's all-business facade or befriend a bartender, it's not complicated: When the bartender leans in, you lean in, or when your coworker crosses her legs, you cross yours, says Campbell. It's important to add a little lag time and not repeat every move they make. For every five times they shift positions, you should mimic them only two or three times, says Campbell.

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The Great Uniter: Get Just Personal Enough

If you reveal everything about yourself right off the bat, it can come off as desperate or as inappropriately friendly. But divulging some personal details helps send a message of connection via a shot of oxytocin from the brain. "There should be a one-to-one ratio of personal info being exchanged," says Campbell.

If they seem guarded, you can take the lead. Just don't start with something hugely private or hugely embarrassing. Stick with something you might have on your Facebook page, like your hometown or pet's name. For example, if you're trying to woo a client over drinks, make a comment about the background music and tell her your fave band or about the first concert you went to. That's probably plenty embarrassing anyway.

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The Great Uniter: Dress for the Occasion

People like attractive people. Duh. While you can't turn yourself into Brooklyn Decker, you can up your attractiveness by dressing spot-on for any situation. This doesn't mean always being the fanciest-looking chick around.

If a networking event calls for business casual, don't wear your sleekest skirt suit. The same goes for dates. If you show up overdressed, you'll be less likely to establish that crucial sense of comfort, says Young.

Prepare in advance. "Find out what the event will involve and wear what's right for the occasion," says Campbell. "If you're unsure, or if there are several parts, bring a change of shoes or clothes."

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The Great Uniter: Reach Out and Touch

Yeah, you touch a guy to flirt—you're no fool—but you probably don't know exactly why it works. "Touch is a simple way to potentially amp up the release of both dopamine and oxytocin and build instant trust," says Young. In a study in the journal PLOS ONE, people who were given oxytocin were more willing to share money with a stranger than were those who weren't given the hormone.

It's helpful in non-flirting scenarios, too, like getting special attention in yoga class (giving your teacher a friendly pat on the back post-namaste can be more powerful than bowing in prayer). Avoid touching anywhere other than the shoulder or back, and keep it light and brief.

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