How Masturbation Changes When You Move in with Someone

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I’m a single guy who lives alone, so I’m free to masturbate in any room that I want, whenever I want. But even if you’re in a relationship, you probably still engage in some solo sex action—you might just be a little more discreet. Whether you don’t want your partner to know that they aren’t 100 percent responsible for your orgasms or you don't want to hurt their feelings by leaving them out of sexy time, there's a solid chance that you don't go at it like you did when you lived on your own.

To find out how ladies and gents switch up their self-love strategy when they're shacking up with their S.O., I asked a few people doing just that to open up about how they get down solo. 


“When I shared apartments with friends, I would masturbate when they were home. I’d just lock myself in my bedroom or the bathroom. But now that I live with my girlfriend, I really only feel okay about doing it when I’m the only one home. When I lived with other single people, they would take a locked door as an indication that I was doing something private, which was fine. In a relationship, locked doors are borderline unacceptable unless you’re doing something really, really gross.” —Micah G.


“Before I moved in with my boyfriend, I kept my vibrator in my nightstand drawer. Sometimes I’d fall asleep with it still in my bed. I don’t think my boyfriend would ever root through my nightstand, but it still feels weird to have a sex toy, which sometimes subs for his penis, so close to the bed we share. Now, I hide my vibrator in a box in my closet and bring it out less often than I used to.” —Karli C.


“I love my fiancé, but the man cannot take a hint. I’ll try to break his attention from a TV show or game he’s watching by rubbing his leg or mentioning something that implies how horny I am, and he never reacts. So I say, ‘I’m going to the bedroom to masturbate. You can come lend a hand if you feel like it.’ And he always does." —Beth M.


“I mostly masturbate to porn in secret when my wife isn’t home, and I’m super-careful about making sure there's no browser history of it on our shared computer. But sometimes I still I get paranoid that she'll see it, so a lot of the time I just use my iPhone.” —Garret J.


“I know how weird this sounds, but there's a porn star who looks just like my girlfriend, and since we’ve been together she's been the only porn star I ever masturbate to. I guess it’s because it makes it easier to envision my girlfriend doing some more sexually adventurous things that your run-of-the-mill porn star does regularly. Weird, sure, but I think it's also loyal. Right?"—Nate T.

*(Writer’s note: I can vouch for Nate that he’s not alone in this. There is a porn actress out there who looks exactly like one of my best friends with whom I am also kind of in love with, and I’ve rubbed out to this person more often than I care to contemplate.)


“Sometimes when I do it, I announce so that my girlfriend might want to have sex with me. It actually worked one time when I was trying to put some moves on my girlfriend while she was binge-watching How To Get Away With Murder. She shook me off, so I said, ‘Fine, I guess I’ll go into the bathroom and take care of this boner myself, then.’ She came in a few minutes later, and then we took it back to the bed, and it was awesome. I’ve tried that strategy every now and then, but I guess it was a one-time thing because I always end up beating one down." —Jay B.


“I had to get sneakier about my masturbation after my boyfriend came home unexpectedly one night and I was doing it on our living room couch. I was using a toy, and he burst into the apartment like he was going to catch me cheating on him—probably because I had some porn turned up pretty loud and he could hear it outside the door. I felt bad, but I was also offended that he thought I was cheating on him. Now I only masturbate when I know for sure he’s not going to be home for a while.” —Kristen W.


“When I feel like I need to masturbate, I do it, but only in the mornings after I get back from the gym and go to take a shower. I guess that’s when my endorphins are really going or whatever. I usually just squirt one at the shower wall as quickly as I can and then go about the rest of my morning routine. If my girlfriend asks what took me so long, I tell her I was enjoying the warm water on my aching back.” —Mark G.


“My husband is a deep, deep sleeper. When we first moved in together, I was very secretive about where and when I masturbated, but after a while I realized that I could do it in bed while he slept right next to me. I guess I’m not that worried anymore about keeping it a secret. I hope that some night, he’ll wake up, see what I’m doing, and then do whatever he has to do to make me come. But until then, I’ll keep fingering myself.” —Brenda M.

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