How He Feels When You Don't Have an Orgasm

Good news on the orgasm front: Guys want you to have more of them. Men really get off on women crossing the finish line during sex, according to a new study published in The Journal of Sex Research.

For the study, researchers from Western University had 24 undergraduate women and 21 undergraduate men participate in various focus group discussions. The women's focus groups discussed women's sexuality, orgasm experience, lack of orgasm, the male partner, communication, faking orgasms, masturbation, and sex toys; the men's focus groups discussed men's sexuality, male and female orgasm, communication, faking orgasm, clitoral stimulation, and sex toys. 

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Some common themes emerged during the focus groups, one of the most interesting being that guys find it extremely satisfying sexually when a woman experiences an orgasm during sex. (And, by the same token, they find it distressing when the woman doesn't cross the finish line, most often because they think it means they did a bad job in bed.)

Interestingly, men viewed it as the guy's responsibility to bring a female partner to orgasm (the women in the focus groups tended to agree with this viewpoint). Here are some quotes from men who participated in the study:

"If the female . . . just doesn't have an orgasm, I'm always kind of down about it, regardless of the fact that I've had one."

"If you're trying to and she doesn't [orgasm], then that's, like, upsetting. But if you do and she does, it's a pretty big accomplishment."

"I think it's only natural to look at yourself and probably blame yourself to an extent. Even though there's countless factors that could have contributed [to the lack of female orgasm during intercourse], it could be completely not your fault, but the guy has most of the responsibility to make the female orgasm."

And while the women's focus groups said that they rarely communicated about their lack of orgasm, men generally said they wanted women to bring it up—along with what gets them off (so they could help her climax in the future). Nervous about vocalizing what makes you hot? These tips on how to talk dirty will help.

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