When Andi Dorfman chose Josh Murray in Season 10 of The Bachelorette, they truly seemed like the perfect couple. They were both born and raised in Atlanta! They had great chemistry! Still, just a few months into their post-TV relationship, Andi says things turned ugly. (Like, the name-calling, emotionally abusive kind of ugly.) In her new tell-all book, It’s Not Okay: Turning Heartbreak into Happily Never After, Andi explains exactly how things fell apart so quickly.
Let’s start at the beginning: It’s safe to say that things move pretty fast on The Bachelorette. And Andi was head-over-heels for Josh from the get-go. In fact, thanks to his athletic bod (read: his butt), he made the most memorable first impression on her. Their first kiss, which took place right before a rose ceremony, was the best first kiss she’d ever had, she writes in her book.
“You definitely know early on which guys you’re physically and mentally and emotionally attracted to,” Andi tells WomensHealthMag.com. “And I know in recent seasons, contestants have said they loved two people, but I only fell in love with one person.”
Because Josh was her type, their relationship progressed way quicker than the ones she was forming with the other dudes on the show. “It was as if we had skipped over the ‘Do I like you?’ phase and instantly jumped into ‘Do I love you?’ phase,” she writes in her book. Plus, the sex in the Fantasy Suite was all kinds of amazing, she says.
By the end of the eight weeks of filming, it makes sense that Andi was convinced Josh was "The One." But once the cameras stopped rolling, she realized that there were serious problems with their relationship. Andi says she placed so much pressure on herself to get engaged during the finale that the alarm bells just didn’t go off at that time.
“For awhile, things were really good,” Andi tells us. “But the relationship reared its ugly head once the show stopped filming. I’ve never been in a relationship where I felt worse about myself. We ended up being completely different people. And the lack of partnership was definitely something that was very obvious to me that was missing.”
Here's where things get scary: Andi says Josh was super-controlling. In her book, she goes into detail about one of the many fights they had. Apparently, after chatting with a guy at a charity event that the pair attended, Josh called her a whore. She also writes that Josh told her she wasn’t allowed to take photos with any male fans if they asked.
In January 2015, the pair officially split. Embarrassed and sad, Andi coped by making a huge change and moving to New York City. “Everyone was like, ‘You can’t run away from your problems,'” she says. “We have that ingrained in our brains since we were young. But, sometimes, you really can. It’s nice to be able to say, ‘Look, I don’t have my stuff figured out. I’m going to take a risk.’ That’s what I did on the show, and that’s what I did after the breakup. It was a great decision for me.”
Andi's learned a lot since she appeared on the long-standing reality show two years ago, and she has some smart advice for JoJo, the latest Bachelorette: “Just have fun,” she says. “The odds are that it’s not going to work out. And that’s alright. I wish I had looked at it like that because I would’ve had more fun.”
Season 12 of The Bachelorette premieres Monday night at 9 p.m. EST.