Trends Female Adda
2 months ago
Here's The Difference Between Self-Love And Selfishness

Self-love is the mantra of the millennials. In fact, according to sources, self-love is going to be one of the wellness trends of 2018, which we are soon to enter. But, what is self-love? Is it switching off from daily responsibilities to take a soak in herb water? Spending all your savings on exotic looking organic masks and foods? Skipping family meals because there is nothing vegan on the menu? Giving up on going out with your friends because you have to wake up at 4.00 am to meditate? Walking away from rough patches in relationships because you deserve only hashtag good vibes? What exactly is this thing called self-love?

1 (6)

If Google is to be trusted, self-love is "regard for one's well-being and happiness." One can regard oneself in many ways: by choosing a career of one's liking, and not due to pressure of any sort; by not blindly following fashion trends just because they are trendy; by speaking one's truth; by developing healthy boundaries and not tolerating unfair behaviour in a relationship; by exercising and eating healthy; taking vacations, and even spending a day every now and then doing absolutely nothing. None of this sounds particularly selfish now, does it? But, unfortunately, many people in our YOLO generation blur the line between self-love and selfishness.


Self-love is founded on the idea that in order to succeed in any capacity in life - whether as a child, parent, lover, friend, or a professional - we need to look after on our own selves. If we constantly put our own needs on the backburner, and pander to what other people expect of us more often than not, we will burn ourselves out. But, what often happens, is that we use self-love as an excuse to get out of our social responsibilities, and in the process end up hurting people. There are people in the world who gain a superficial understanding of a phenomenon, and try to apply it in their lives. What they end up doing in messing it all up. These people are called fondly 'pseudos'. When it comes to self-love, there are many 'pseduos' out there who believe that their path is more important than their relationships. They know the ingredients of living well – accountability, authenticity, non-judgement. But, they follow all of this without any introspection. Without introspection, self-love becomes selfish. It is marked by defensiveness, elusiveness, and a lack of care for others. There is a difference between wanting to be with yourself, and not wanting to be with others. A lot of people use self-love and spirituality to run away from others, and their problems in life. It is not uncommon: these are the people who drink and get high in the name of existentialism, have multiple relationships in the name of authenticity, and blame other people for not owning up to their feelings when they may have hurt them. They expect others to be accountable, but won’t hold themselves to the same standard.

3 (2)

Essentially, this is the difference between self-love and selfishness. The former doesn't hurt anyone. You can have your vegan diet amongst a group of non-vegetarians as long as no one is forcing anyone to do anything they are uncomfortable with. You can skip one day of meditation to ring in a close friend's birthday. You don't need to spend thousands on lily masks and charcoal powder. And, rough patches in a relationship are just that - patches. When you try to escape from life and its ups and downs in the name of loving yourself, you are being selfish.

4 (2)

Recent research has shown that the single most important factor in long-term happiness and good health is close relationships. The greater the quality of your relationships, the happier and healthier you will be. Consider this the next time you feel like skipping a meal with a long-lost friend because there is no salad on the menu! 

Picture Credits : Pexels
Facebook Facebook Twitter Linkedin Google Pinterest

Related Articles

Refer your 10 female friends! Earn Instant 500