Guys Confess the Surprising Things They’ve Done to Prevent You from Seeing Their Flaccid Penises

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According to a recent "penis perceptions" survey from the University of Kentucky, women are way more comfortable seeing a guy’s flaccid penis than guys are letting a lady see his un-erect junk.

For the study, researchers performed a series of surveys asking more than 14,000 men and women for their opinions on erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and other hot penis topics. After taking a look at the responses, the study authors found that a majority of women are totally cool with seeing a peen in the non-upright position, while only about 26 percent of men are very comfortable with an interaction between her eyes and his soft penis.

As a dude, I don’t disagree with this survey. If I’m going to have any choice in the matter, I’d definitely prefer a woman see my d*ck when it’s all hard and veiny because it shows my youthful virility, that I'm DTF, and also because my penis is bigger when I have a boner.

I talked with a few dudes who would also would rather not have their soft wangs on display and asked them what kinds of things they’ve done to keep women from catching a glimpse of their flaccid members. Here are their epic tales.

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“I was trimming my pubes in the bathroom when my female roommate opened the door without knocking. The door opened so she could see the reflection of my half-trimmed groin right in the mirror. I tried to slam the door shut with my elbow, and I nailed her right in the forehead. Afterward, she said she was happy that she didn't see my d*ck.” —Nick H.

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“On my first weekend away with a woman, we stayed in a hotel in Boston. She went to get coffee in the morning while I took a shower. I was drying off and looking for something in my bag on the bed when she came back, and I immediately hit the deck in the space between the bed and wall. I pretended like I had dropped something from my bag and got my towel situated. Crisis averted.” —Matthew W.

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“One morning after a nice night of sex, I woke up to see the woman I'd hooked up with getting ready to leave. I had slept in the nude, and my worn out, soft penis was fully out for her to see. Unfortunately, I had zero morning wood. I screamed and pulled the sheet up really quickly. She laughed and said, ‘Don’t worry. I saw it last night.' That made me feel better.” —Marcus R.

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“One time, when I was in the gym locker room, a bunch of guys and I had our wangs hanging out pre- and post-shower when a girl, accidentally I think, came busting in the room. I immediately grabbed the closest thing to me, which was a snow hat, to cover up. All the guys around me did the same. Well, except for this one guy who had absolutely no reaction—he just kept toweling. I probably don’t need to say this, but he was hung like a moose.” —Greg Y.

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“The morning after I'd hooked up with this girl for maybe the second or third time, I was looking for my underwear while she was in the bathroom. I wasn’t quite ready to just let it all hang out yet. So when she came back in the room, I wrapped her in a hug really quick, and the human contact gave me a boner almost immediately. Then we banged again.” —Seth H.

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“Whenever this happens to me, I just turn around. I’d rather a woman see my hairy butt than my soft penis.” —Jace C.

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“Sometimes, I like to just lounge around naked. But having roommates makes that tough—especially female roommates. Recently, I thought my female roommate was going to be out late, so I was enjoying some nude time around the apartment. I heard someone unlocking the door while I was sitting on the couch and tried to sprint to my room but didn’t make it. So when she came in, I grabbed a blanket from the closest chair to cover myself up. It was her blanket. I washed it.” —Michael L.

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