9:45 a.m. See really fat guy near my office building and wonder if he ever has sex.
9:46 a.m. *Worry about weight I'm putting on from new birth control pill. The extra pounds definitely make me feel less sexy.
2:12 p.m. Google a few of my exes, wonder if they're still good-looking.
7:50 p.m. Home from work. Husband asks me to come upstairs to help him with something. Turns out I need to help him get it on.
8:15 p.m. *Start Ã‚Âworrying about how pudgy I've gotten and don't orgasm.
PC: She has serious concerns with her weight and body image and is smart to try to pinpoint the source of the extra pounds so she can do something about it.
DH: It's normal for distracting thoughts to interfere with sex. She needs to focus her attention on where and how she's being touched.
11:10 a.m. Search the Web to see if low sex drive is symptom of my birth control. Says that neither weight gain nor loss of libido should be an issue. I wish someone would tell that to my new super-sensitive DD chest.
12:45 p.m. *Walk past storefront massage place and catch a glimpse of promotional video of male massage therapist working on another male. I'm a little turned on.
7 p.m. Husband and I go to the gym together. Figure this is a good start if I want to try to rev up my libido.
11:15 p.m. *Get into bed in man-style pajamas. Hope they don't interest him at all.
11:30 p.m. They don't.
SH: Women who are turned on watching two men don't need to be distressed; if you're attracted to guys, this scenario can have twice the appeal! [Plus, it's common to fantasize about taboo topics.]
PS: She should talk to a doc about her libido. She is consciously trying to make her husband disinterested in her, which can cause him to feel rejected and may even prompt him to look elsewhere.
3:30 p.m. Go home early because I'm not feeling well.
6 p.m. We have a nice dinner, then take a walk around the neighborhood.
8:30 a.m. Wake up to my PJ bottoms being pulled off. I like it when he initiates sex.
8:45 a.m. *Takes me a while to get into it. Start feeling worried about my weight, change positions hoping he'll finish faster.
9 a.m. Ask him to check out my giant chest to make sure I'm not crazy about how fast they're growing. He thinks they're sexy.
9:05 a.m. Check in mirror to see if husband is right.
9:06 a.m. He's wrong. They're grotesque.
10 p.m. Just finished a long dinner. *The mood was romantic, but I have no interest in sex. Must talk to doctor to see if meds are to blame.
SH: Every time HE thinks about sex, SHE thinks about how her body looks. If he's initiating, he must think she looks pretty fine! Don't focus on your faults. Instead, say to yourself: "He's attracted to me exactly as I am because I am attractive."
SH: The Pill may change some aspects of a woman's cycle, but sex drive is a lot more complicated than the presence of artificial hormones in one's system.
4 p.m. *Husband braves grocery store so I don't have to. That's definitely a turn-on.
DM: Sharing is key. [A 2007 study found that 62 percent of couples feel that sharing chores is important to a good marriage--more important than income!]
11:20 a.m. Have long conversation with friend about how hot one of our male friends is. She says she has urges to sleep with him. I honestly don't. *I wonder whether I'm just really happy in marriage or my libido is shot.
PC: You don't always have to be happy in your marriage; you can simply be in your marriage. She needs to give herself a break.
10:30 a.m. E-mail with husband about vacation plans. He suggests I buy a "costume" for the trip. I like the idea, but *don't know if role-playing would work for me.
4:30 p.m. Friend sends link to sexy Tom Ford fragrance ads. Very hot.
4:40 p.m. *Send hubby link to new Tom Ford ad campaign. This starts a string of sexual e-mails about what he's hoping to do later tonight. Worry that I've started something I won't want to finish.
10:45 p.m. Husband still at poker night. I fall asleep before he gets home.
DH: She won't know until she tries!
DM: She's too busy having sex in her head and pulling away from the real thing. She needs to remember the aspects of his personality that she was attracted to in the first place.
THE HYPER-SEXED NEWLYWED
Age 26, art gallery associate, Charlottesville, VA
10:05 a.m. At work, *wonder if husband's cute friend will be at party tonight.
6:30 p.m. Tell husband I've been thinking about alternative birth control. But I've never been with a man when I'm not on the Pill. *He's understanding, if nervous. Babies are expensive.
11:25 p.m. Two drinks in, I'm enjoying the party. Am reminded, however, of the reason I lost my crush on husband's friend in the first place: *He's a jackass.
SH: It's natural to have passions for people other than your spouse, but if her attraction feels electric, she should keep her distance.
PC: Yes, they're "expensive," but parenting is more than a financial burden. Are there other reasons for his nervousness?
SH: Calling the friend a jackass shows she still has intense emotions for this guy.
6:30 p.m. My girlfriends are at happy hour. I declined in order to eat with my hubby. To cheer myself up, I think about how hot he looks having sex.
9:15 p.m. Have sex! Not our best effort, *feels a little rusty, but highly satisfying.
11:35 p.m. Watch TV. Being married frees up a lot of
time I used to spend going
to bars and/or dating. *Wonder whether this is wonderful or slightly tragic. Decide both.
1 a.m. Have more sex! Very hot!
SH: Consistently hot sex is rare. A fourth to half of sex acts are neutral or unpleasant for one or both partners.
DH: To avoid resenting her relationship, she needs to incorporate fun aspects of singledom into her married life. She should go to bars, do new things, and meet new people--with and without her husband.
4:45 p.m. Go shoe shopping. Buy husband running shoes.
6 p.m. Give shoes to husband. Wink at him and say there's nothing sexier than when we sweat together.
11 a.m. Go running. Wonder if husband's cute friend might see me. Why do I still care if I run into this guy?
12:48 p.m. Get dressed, spot my vibrator in bottom drawer.
4 p.m. Pick up around the house a bit. Put clean laundry away, open bottom drawer. *Screw waiting for Ã‚Âhusband--the vibrator needs love too.
DH: For both men and women, masturbation usually continues after marriage. In fact, people with regular partners are more likely to fly solo than singles.
12:15 p.m. Thinking about sex. Curse my period.
2 p.m. Boss's cute children drop by the office.
2:20 p.m. They start Ã‚Âscreaming. Really glad I'm still using birth control.
8:20 a.m. Husband and I take a fun shower together.
9:10 p.m. Have dinner. Both of us are quiet. *All of a sudden I start crying: Are we boring now that we're married? Does husband have secret crush on a friend of mine, like Jackass and me? Or am I just sad that the shiny newness of living together is wearing off?
9:30 p.m. Husband holds me until I feel better.
Midnight *Have great sex--worry less about whether I'm becoming boring.
SH: It's good that she's letting him see her cry. Sad moments bring you closer because they indicate that you feel safe being vulnerable.
PC: A passionate and satisfying sex life is great. But it's not the glue that keeps a relationship together or makes it strong.
7:20 p.m. Party at work, talk to interns about their boyfriends or lack thereof. Feel old.
8:30 p.m. Listen to interns talk about partying, think about how much fun that was in college. Sigh...
9:10 p.m. Get home. Watch Grey's Anatomy and *feel sorry for myself; I used to mock this show; now I watch it willingly. Do my interns have more fun than I do? Or is sober, adult life just inherently less interesting?
10:30 p.m. Husband comes home. He's being silly and it makes me laugh. I forget I was feeling old. We make out on the couch.
PC: Don't whine about being dissatisfied; do something. She's in charge of how she feels as a married person--and as we get older, we sometimes need to redefine for ourselves what fun and interesting mean.
THE DETERMINED SINGLE
Age 34, photographer, Los Angeles
8 a.m. Fly to Hawaii for much-needed vacay. Note boyfriend has emptied *the contents of several Trojan Magnum XL condom boxes into top pocket of carry-on.
1 p.m. Arrive in Kauai, drive to condo. Promptly have "we just started our holiday" sex. Standard missionary.
3 p.m. On lanai with a couple of cold beers and geckos. Boyfriend gets horny again. I love how reliable he is.
3:05 p.m. Go back inside and have more sex. This time realize that people are walking along path near bedroom window. *Surprisingly hot in a risquÃƒÂ©, sex-in-a-public-place kind of way.
11 p.m. Give BF conciliatory hand job and call it a night.
DM: All those condoms might make her feel pressured to have a lot of sex. That takes the fun and spontaneity out of it. She should have sex because she wants to, not because it's expected.
SH: The excitement of arriving somewhere new probably triggered a flood of dopamine that made her more willing to push her boundaries.
7 a.m. Sleepy sex. My favorite. Fall back asleep.
1 p.m. Watch young couple getting married on beach. Wonder if it will last.
3 p.m. Back to condo for nap. BF points out atypical wall of mirrors in otherwise nonÃ‚Âdescript living room. Speculate that condo owners may secretly be swingers.
9 p.m. BF starts to *undress me in living room, but I recoil--what if someone sees? Somehow not the same as yesterday afternoon's hot public-sex moment. Retreat to bedroom to continue in private.
SH: The dopamine rush has worn off, so she feels more reserved.
7 p.m. BF grills mahimahi back at condo. I like the macho BBQ thing in him.
9 p.m. *Sloppy, pinot-fueled standing sex in front of living room mirrors. BF proud the swinger mirror wall has not gone to waste. Me, I'm proud that two years in, our sex life is still unpredictably hot, especially since he's got more than 10 years on me!
PS: It's good to be sloppy! Get over the need to look pretty during sex. It's not cinematography. It's real life!
2 p.m. Throw back out while swimming. Retreat to condo.
3:45 p.m. Make formal announcement to BF that debilitating back pain prohibits any sex in foreseeable future. He suggests I see a local chiropractor. I refuse.
9:30 p.m. Take Advil, curl up in bed. Fall asleep *snuggling.
DH: As fun as sex can be, it's good to sometimes forget about performance and orgasms and just be physically affectionate. Cuddling shows someone you care about them deeply.
9:30 a.m. Back still not better. Really hurts.
4:30 p.m. Post-beach shower back at condo. BF goes down on me. I love the way it's all about me.
11 p.m. Take more Advil for back. *Secretly start to feel like I'm not keeping my part of the "bargain"--we used his miles to pay for trip and now I can't even put out. Cut my losses and help him masturbate next to me.
9:15 a.m. BF semi-jokingly asks if I am aware that it is day 5 of our holiday and he has yet to get a single blow job.
9:17 a.m. Go down on him enthusiastically. *This makes both of us...happy.
3 p.m. Helicopter tour of island. Baby crying in back seat of chopper makes me happy I don't have one.
6 p.m. Cute kids in condo pool make me wish I did.
9:45 p.m. Back hurts but have sex anyway. I was missing the real deal as much as he was. Missionary only viable orthopedic option. Still, not bad.
PS: He wanted a blow job, so she gave him one. Nothing wrong with that, as long as she did it and enjoyed it because she loves him and likes to make him feel good.
10:45 a.m. So sad we have to leave. Start packing.
11 a.m. BF buys new boxes of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts because I pilfered the box earmarked as gift for his mom. Oops. Looks like there's no time for sex before noon checkout. Double oops.
5:30 p.m. Cocktails and snacks at beachfront restaurant. *BF takes surreptitious snapshots down my low-cut top. A modern form of flattery--I love it.
7:45 p.m. Red-eye home. Pop an Ambien, call it a night.
DM: It's sad that she feels she has to put out because her boyfriend paid for the vacation. Life happens, and he should be mature enough to handle it. A tit-for-tat relationship creates resentment and pressure.
PS: He's being playful, admiring, and sexy. And if he looks good in his jeans, ogle him back. Guys need ego-boosts too.
Experts have not interviewed, diagnosed, or treated any of the subjects. Their opinions are based solely on journal entries and do not constitute clinical advice.