If you've been tuning in to this season's The Bachelorette, you know all about what Ashley Hebert, bachelorette, is going through. Actually, even if you haven't been tuning in, you may find her current situation surprisingly familiar.
Bentley Williams [pictured with Ashley], the front-runner who stole the bachelorette's heart after only three episodes, left the show by choice. While attributing his departure to missing his daughter, viewers received inside knowledge that Bentley never had feelings for AshleyÃ¢â‚¬”she was deceived.
During the June 13th episode, the bachelorette constantly mentioned that she was "in a dark place" and always "thinking of Bentley." Will she really be able to get over her feelings for Bentley in time to find a new love? We asked Ian Kerner, PhD, sex and relationship expert and founder of the sex and relationship help organization Good in Bed, to answer some questions.
WH: How long should someone wait between relationships? Ian Kerner: Interestingly enough, for a lot of people who go through hard breakups, love is just around the corner. Many people I've knownÃ¢â‚¬”professionally and personallyÃ¢â‚¬”have gotten out of one situation and found the perfect situation was right there waiting for them. It's not as much a specific timeÃ¢â‚¬Â¦it's when can you put out the energy you need to fall in love? The capacity of the human heart to be resilient and jump back in to things is strong. The ones who are the happiest, are the ones willing to put themselves out there. If you wait too long, you really end up subjecting yourself to greater depression. Best advice: The bachelorette should get back on that horse.
WH: What are the signs of a manipulator like Bentley? Kerner: This is a special scenario for the bachelorette. Normally, I think men can pretty quickly have a gut feeling saying, 'I want her for the long run' or 'she's just a fun hookup.' Look at, 'Am I falling in to the hookup category or the relationship category?' Many times when you're in the hookup category, everything is last minuteÃ¢â‚¬”any type of plans. The physical chemistry could be great, but there isn't anything emotional. It's the fun treadmill: you keep going, but it's not leading anywhere.
WH: Since Ashley is so heartbroken over Bentley, will that turn off the other men? Kerner: If they are really into the bachelorette, they will see it as an opportunity. Throughout the generations, years and years, men have courted women, and at times it was obvious that women had more than one courter. If she can truly give herself up to a new man, they will sense it. If she has renewed expectations, they will still be interested.
What you can learn from the bachelorette: how not to fall for his lies.
photo: Rick Rowell/ABC