The idea of sitting down face-to-face with the person youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve been dating and saying, Ã¢â‚¬Å“IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d like us to be exclusiveÃ¢â‚¬”what do you think?Ã¢â‚¬Â is pretty freaking terrifying. Not nearly as scary? Sending a text message that says, Ã¢â‚¬Å“I de-activated my OkCupid account.Ã¢â‚¬Â If you get a positive responseÃ¢â‚¬”or even the much sought-after Ã¢â‚¬Å“Me, tooÃ¢â‚¬ÂÃ¢â‚¬”then you pretty much know youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re exclusive anyway, right?
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Enter: a new relationship trend, the Ã¢â‚¬Å“backdoor DTR (defining the relationship),Ã¢â‚¬Â which Maureen OÃ¢â‚¬â„¢Connor wrote about recently on The Cut.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Backdoor DTR sounds like a dirty sex move, but it is the term I am using for defining a relationshipÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s parameters through misdirection,Ã¢â‚¬Â writes Maureen OÃ¢â‚¬â„¢Connor. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Take the display of digital pictures. Uploading smoochy pics to Facebook could point, simply, to a smoochy friendship. But uploading a smoochy picture as your profile portrait suggests that the smooch in question is central to your identityÃ¢â‚¬”sending a strong message about your relationship with the smoocher. Ã¢â‚¬Â¦ Conversely, discovering that a casual date has been uploading smoochy pictures of others confirms non-exclusivity.Ã¢â‚¬Â
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Not to get all relationship counselor-y on you, but we hope it goes without saying that changing your relationship status on Facebook from Ã¢â‚¬Å“singleÃ¢â‚¬Â to unlistedÃ¢â‚¬”while totally fineÃ¢â‚¬”is no substitute for an honest discussion with your partner about where you two stand. Not that that stops plenty of people from using Facebook that wayÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ Which is why we want to know whether youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve ever backdoor DTRÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ed someone.
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