Apr 10, Is he scared of commitment? 12 Reasons why he won't commit
12 Reasons he won't commit
- Childhood adversity - poverty, abuse, insecure relationships, neglect, etc will have taken a toll. He may find it harder to trust and to respond helpfully to stressful situations (and we all know how stressful a relationship can be!)
- Fear of failure - your 'commitment-phobe' may worry about his capacity to be a good partner or parent (possibly also on account of a difficult childhood). He may have experienced disappointments and has come to see himself as a 'failure' in general. This may lead to fear of commitment in other areas too.
- Fear of another breakup/divorce - he may have bad memories of a previous relationship or marriage ending, or perhaps his parents' divorce
- Fear of rejection - even though he may be well aware of your present wish for him to commit, you may have had relationships that have failed. Also, if he's grown up with parents who were perhaps indifferent to his needs, threatening and punishing, he would fear being rejected again at any time.
- Generalised anxiety - with lack of self-esteem and low self-confidence. He is likely to find it difficult to make decisions in general. Stress takes its toll on our brain and the more stressed we are the harder it is to think clearly.
- Wanting the 'perfect' partner - comparing with a previous idealised partner. Women on the whole are thought to be much more selective in their partner choice. Nevertheless, much depends on his view of himself, his relationship history and his relationship skills.
- Fear of losing touch with his friends - particularly if he already finds it hard to make attachments
- Fear of losing his identity - fearing more changes than he sees himself able to cope with
- Fear of being on his own - the relationship isn't right, but he doesn't want to be on his own and can't imagine himself in another relationship
- Fear of becoming trapped
- Feeling unworthy of being loved and cherished, because of some perceived flaw(s)
- Fear of having to become a father - he may have had a terrible time as a child and fears not being able to be a good enough parent himself