Health Female Adda
1 year ago
Anger Management

1. Trade the sword for the pen. For a week or two, write instead of rant, jotting down everything that ticks you off. (And yes, there's a payoff beyond writer's cramp.) Be alert to patterns: Are you more prone to anger at work or at home, on weekday mornings or weekend nights? Awareness leads to insights — "I withdraw when I'm feeling neglected" — and better coping strategies. Find yourself blowing up at the kids when they clamor for homework help the minute you walk in the door? Take a 10-minute "mommy time-out" for some yoga poses and designate an after-dinner "homework hour" during which you will happily field questions on algebra or the Civil War.

2. Learn to cool down. To become a pro at letting slights go, you must practice in a calm moment. Visualize a situation that made you stew — say, the friend who canceled on the yoga retreat at the last minute. Relive your fury for 30 seconds, which is long enough for your heart to start racing and the adrenaline to flow. Then switch to relaxation methods — breathe deeply, unclench your jaw, release any tight muscles. Don't punch your pillow. Experts now believe such cathartic techniques actually increase feelings of aggression.

3. Plan ahead. Bring your iPod on the train if chattering commuters bug you, have a magazine handy if you'll be waiting in line. It's not brain surgery, but the point is you don't need brain surgery. Psychologist Robert Allan suggests that when faced with the inconvenience of, say, a person who holds up the grocery checkout line by writing a check at the last minute, you distract yourself by observing how others deal. You might also keep a Koosh ball in your purse or glove compartment to squeeze for tension release. Or just practice your Kegel exercises.

4. It's not all about you. Don't think of the people who piss you off as "out to get you." Instead think of them as fundamentally flawed human beings. "I have a mantra," says psychotherapist Anna Maravelas. "This person lacks skill, insight, or courage." While someone may actually be trying to hurt you, taking it personally isn't going to help, says anger researcher Jerry Deffenbacher. "Instead of vilifying someone," he says, "it's better to think of him as someone you need to set some limits with or back away from."

5. State your position, then negotiate. When Lisa Cohn, a single mother of two, merged households with her new love, a single father of two, they fought constantly about food. He fed his kids hot dogs and ice cream; she served soy milk and tofu. The fix: his-and-hers refrigerators.
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