All the Possible Reasons Why Your Sex Life Sucks Lately

bad sex life
1/7 Shutterstock

Let's face it: Home-run sex—the kind where you’re both so sweaty, smiley, and satisfied afterwards that you could high-five—can be a huge ego booster. On the other hand, there’s nothing quite as soul-crushing as a mediocre, uninspired session in the sack. (Especially if you know you’re the one bringing down the team, but can’t pinpoint why.) Stick a fork in crappy sex by crushing these culprits with tips from our experts. You'll be back in the saddle in no time.

bad sex life
2/7 Alyssa Zolna

Here’s a jaw-dropper: A staggering 30 percent of women say they feel pain during sex, and a lot of them don’t tell their partner when it hurts, according to a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. (For the record, pain during sex is never normal, so talk to your doctor to rule out more serious issues like STDs or endometriosis.) If dryness is the ish, anything from lack of foreplay to breast-feeding to antihistamines could be robbing you of moisture. Try a little lube to help keep things slippery while you sort out the underlying cause with your doc, says sex therapist Diana Wiley, Ph.D.

RELATED:  Is Your Sex Pain Standard—or a Serious Red Flag?

bad sex life
3/7 Alyssa Zolna

Between work stress, a crappy commute, and laundry, some of us don’t have an ounce left to give by the end of the day—especially to nooky. “Sometimes we really need sleep, and not sex, and that’s OK,” says Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., author of Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. Make a point to shift into a more relaxed and positive state of mind when you get home by taking a bath, turning on some music, going for a run, or just hanging on the couch holding hands with your partner while you decompress. “Couples can benefit from spending some non-sexual affectionate time together to drain away some of that tension,” says Nagoski. (Don't be surprised if the urge hits an hour later.)

RELATED: Is Your Relationship Doomed if Your Sex Drives Aren’t Compatible?

bad sex life
4/7 Alyssa Zolna

Dating a sex perfectionist (a.k.a. someone who had strict ideas about how sex should unfold, and is critical about your performance) can squash your ability to get aroused, according to a recent study from the University of Kent. (Um, ya think?) Make sure your relationship in bed is give-and-take, meaning your own preferences are being heard, too, says Nagoski. “Culturally, women have been told they should feel guilty or ashamed about paying attention to their own pleasure, but that’s just not true. Speak up."

bad sex life
5/7 Alyssa Zolna

Preoccupied with the extra jiggle in your thighs, or worried about how your stomach looks from down below? Women with self-esteem issues are less likely to initiate sex, and they have a much harder time enjoying pleasure in the moment, says Nagoski. “Research shows basic mindfulness practices can help," she says. That means noticing those critical thoughts, letting them float away, and returning your focus to pleasurable sensations. (This takes a lot of practice, but you can work on mindfulness while showering in the morning, or walking to work.)

bad sex life
6/7 Alyssa Zolna

Taking an SSRI (like Zoloft or Prozac) for depression? These drugs raise serotonin to boost your mood, but they can also dampen your sex drive, says Wiley. Oral contraceptives that contain testosterone can melt away your mojo, too. “Talk to your doctor about getting on a different medication (like Wellbutrin, for depression, or the non-hormonal IUD), or see if you can lower your dose,” says Wiley. (In the meantime, introducing a new toy—like a vibrator—to increase the intensity of stimulation can help you feel the feels in the bedroom.)

bad sex life
7/7 Alyssa Zolna

Odds are there’s nothing wrong with your equipment. Most women who fall into a ‘can’t get off’ rut are simply too distracted or anxious to get their head in the game, says Nagoski. Her advice: Stop trying to orgasm. “When the goal is orgasm there’s all this stress about failure, but if the goal is simply feeling pleasure, it’s easy to succeed, and from there you can build more and more intense feelings.” Happy humping!

See Next
9 Views    
Facebook Facebook Twitter Linkedin Google Pinterest

Related Articles

Refer your 10 female friends! Earn Instant 500