A Step-by-Step Guide for Getting Your Guy Pumped About Using Sex Toys Together

We're eternally grateful to our vibrators for helping us get off time and time again—but finding a way to convey that enthusiasm to your human partner in the sack can be awkward. 

While our survey of Men's Health Facebook followers found that about half of guys have used sex toys with their partners, some dudes feel like your desire to use a toy is a sign that something is wrong with their sex skills, says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of She Comes First.

In reality, putting a sex toy on the (bedside) table can help you and your partner explore different types of pleasure, says Kat Van Kirk Ph.D., licensed marriage and sex therapist. So, yeah, it's definitely worth suggesting.

Here’s how to bring it up so you can get weird—in a good way.

ways to bring sex toy into relationship
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If your partner is afraid about a penis lookalike outshining his performance in bed, remind him that it's just a fun way to change things up, says Kerner. For example, tell him how much using a vibrator will turn you on or how it can help you give him a crazy-good blow job.

Not sure how to start the conversation? Reference a scene from a TV show where sex toys are involved, like Broad City, as a way to break the ice. Though you definitely don't have to suggest pegging, like they do in the show, you can use it as a jumping off point to talk about toys in general, says Van Kirk. Then see how he responds.

RELATED: This Is How Many Guys Have Actually Bought a Sex Toy

ways to bring sex toy into relationship
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Once your partner is down to clown, it’s time to figure out what kind of sex toy you want. Narrow them down by thinking about what you want to get of out of it. If you're not sure where to start, pick one based on what you know feels good during sex, says Van Kirk. For example, if you know clitoral or G-spot stimulation gets your rocks off, then find a toy made for those purposes, says Van Kirk.

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Hit up an adult sex toy store like Babeland during your next date night to get a feel for the different models out there. You can get expert advice in person on how to use each toy. Trust: There's more to that back-massager thing than you think (we're looking at you, Hitachi Magic Wand.)

RELATED: People in THIS State Buy the Most Sex Toys

ways to bring sex toy into relationship
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If sex toys are new territory for both of you, start with one that also gives him stimulation during intercourse. It's more fun and less intimidating when you're in it together, says Van Kirk. She suggests using a vibrating penis ring with a clitoral stimulator (Durex Play Ring of Bliss Vibrating Ring, $17, amazon.com). Penis rings are actually very pleasurable for guys, she says. And obviously, the vibrations will feel even better for you, no matter what position you're in. (Make post-romp cleanup easier with this sex toy cleanser from the Women's Health Boutique.)

Another toy that does the trick for both of you is a couples’ vibrator, says Kerner. The horseshoe-shaped toys, like the Lelo Noa Couples Massager ($132.58, amazon.com), stays secure inside the vagina while you have sex. Your partner will feel it on top of his penis when he enters you. That means penis stimulation and G-spot action, says Kerner. Win/win!

ways to bring sex toy into relationship
5/5 Alyssa Zolna

If you and your partner aren’t having fun with your new toys, don’t stress. "When you’re using something new, it’s not always going to go as you plan," says Kerner. He says it can take three or four tries before nailing sex with your new toy, so don't try it once and toss it. If you give it a few shots and it still isn't working, try another sex toy. You may find that anal beads are more thrilling than a vibrating penis ring. Let your lady parts be your guide.

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