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8 People Confess the Weirdest Sh*t They’ve Done on Their Lunch Breaks

1/9 Shutterstock

An Italian Fiat employee recently got into trouble for getting caught watching porn on his lunch break. Fiat tried to fire him, but an Italian court ruled that this was not a fire-able offense because the evidence was “insufficient to prove that the employee viewed porn during his working hours,” according to a report on IndiaTimes.com.

This got me wondering about what kind of other weird things people have done while taking a lunch break. So I asked a bunch of friends—with the caveat they could remain anonymous—what they get up to in their down time. Check it out. 

2/9 Alyssa Zolna

“Oh, I have watched porn plenty of times during my lunch breaks. For some reason, my office blocks Playboy but not spankwire.com. So I’d head to one of the restrooms that wasn’t used very often, fire up a video, and masturbate in one of the stalls. To be honest with you, this didn’t always necessarily occur while I was on a lunch break. It would just be in the middle of the day whenever I got horny. I wouldn’t, like, skip lunch because I spent a few minutes whacking off.”

3/9 Alyssa Zolna

“So this one time I needed to pick up some weed. Okay, actually, that sounds bad. I wanted to pick up some weed. Nobody without cancer or something has ever needed to pick up weed. Anyway, my dealer lives close to my office, and our usual thing was that I would stop by on my way home from work, I’d buy some weed, we’d get baked and hang out for a little bit, and then I’d head home. But this time, he was leaving town for a couple of weeks and wouldn’t be home when I got off work. So I went over there during my lunch break and, since he was going to be gone for a couple weeks, I bought a lot. We then got high. I’ve been to work high before, so that was no problem really, but I got super-paranoid about having an ounce of marijuana in purse at my office, so I basically just geeked out, called in that I’d gotten sick, and went home.”

4/9 Alyssa Zolna

“One time, a couple of my friends and I went to a lunch-hour speed-dating event kind of thing. It wasn’t very effective. Or crowded. So it didn’t even take our full lunch hour. I guess lunchtime speed-dating isn’t really popular.”

5/9 Alyssa Zolna

“I had started seeing this guy, and I was pretty into him. I made the decision after maybe our second date that if we went on a third, I was definitely going to f*ck him. He texted me one day and asked if I was free to hang out that night, and I immediately said yes. Then I remembered that I was kind of…unkempt, vagina-wise. So I took a long lunch and got an emergency Brazilian.”

6/9 Alyssa Zolna

“I’ve left on my lunch break to f*ck dudes plenty of times whenever I’m not having a busy day and can disappear for a while. They call that a ‘nooner,’ right? Trust me—if you text a guy something like ‘Wanna f*ck instead of going to lunch today?’ he is almost never going to turn you down. He’ll find a way to make it happen.”

7/9 Alyssa Zolna

“My managing partner was going through a breakup and was really depressed, so one Friday at lunch time, I decided to take him to the strip club. I bought him some dances, and we both got absolutely lit. We came back to the office drunk to essentially pick up the rest of our small staff to go for an early happy hour. This story is what I like to tell people when they ask me what it’s like to run your own business.”

8/9 Alyssa Zolna

“One time, I was really hung-over, so I went into one of the breastfeeding rooms in our office building and passed out for a little while. It was wonderful. I guess I was lucky that no moms came in while I was in there because, well, I’m clearly not a mother. I’m a guy.”

9/9 Alyssa Zolna

“We had a slow Friday at the office once, and we were trying to figure out a good place to go for lunch since it was one of those rare times we could take an hour or more. One of my coworkers was like, ‘We should go play laser tag,’ and that’s exactly what we did. Now we do it about once a month or so.”

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