17 Sex Things You Should Never Feel Bad About

1. Not wanting to perform a sex act that “every other girl does!” You do not have to spit, swallow, deep throat, or whatever just because he’s seen it in porn or done it with an ex. If every other girl does it and you don't want to, he can go find someone who isn’t you.

2. Wanting to use a vibrator. Whether masturbating on your own or using it during sex, there is nothing about vibrators that is “competition” for men. Fact: men who seriously think this have never given a woman an orgasm, trust me on this.

3. How your body looks naked. As someone who used to try to hide bacne by insisting on ~very dark~ mood lighting or not taking off my shirt, let me be the first to say: you are not fooling anyone. And why should you have to? Partners worth sleeping with wouldn’t WANT you to hide anything — I slept with guys who also had bacne and never judged them as harshly as I judged myself. Sex where you’re not both completely obsessed with each other’s bodies is not sex worth having.

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4. Asking to use lube. Just because we as a society do not talk about lube enough, doesn’t mean you’re weird for wanting to have sex sans latex friction. If a guy thinks fingering you for two minutes is enough lube for you, that's on him.

5. Not being able to have penetrative sex. Conditions like endometriosis or vaginismus can make vaginal intercourse excruciatingly painful for many women. Top that with the notion that your sex life is doomed, and it’s a recipe for feeling horrible for something you have no control over. There are lots of other things you can do in bed together, but that can only happen with a great partner you can trust (and trusting that not having vaginal sex doesn’t make you lesser than anyone else).

6. Having a low sex drive. Sexual urges vary from person to person, whether you’re asexual or just happen to be less into sex lately. Maybe you’re depressed, or exhausted, or on a specific medication — but if your partner immediately panics and acts like you don’t want to have sex with them, it's not going to do anything except make you feel bad for listening to your own body.

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7. Making sure you get to orgasm too. If you think it’s shitty that so many men think sex is over only when they orgasm, you are free to call them out. It makes absolutely no sense for guys to expect an orgasm every time and women to sorta hope it happens. Ask for what you want!

8. Giving your partner actual notes. Your boyfriend aimlessly fingering or going down on you is a waste of everyone’s time. If they’re not an egotistical defensive child of a person, they’ll be excited to know exactly how to make you feel good.

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9. Being super wet. People who say “oh wow, you’re SO wet” in a concerned voice as if the fact you're turned on is a bad thing are not worth being wet for.

10. Queefing/squirting/any other bodily functions. Honestly, even if you accidentally fart during sex: SO WHAT. You can’t clench your vagina or butt cheeks when you’re busy having amazing sex, nor should you.

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11. Being “awkward” in bed. Whether it’s your first time or you’re 20th one-night-stand, nerves are normal! It sucks that so many movies makes first-time sex seem lush and romantic or aggressively passionate. Most of the time, there can be awkward moments! Embrace them, they’re cute!

12. Not having a label for your sexuality right away. There’s nothing wrong with switching your Tinder preferences from men to women even though you’ve never kissed a woman before. It doesn’t mean you’ve been closeted all along — it just means you’re curious. Explore at your own pace!

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13. Watching porn. Porn has existed pretty much as long as people have — like if the ancient Athenians carved threesomes onto urns, it’s safe to say that wanting to see other people bone is probably a thing that won’t go away. As long as it’s not hurting anyone, watch away. This especially goes for women, who aren’t heavily portrayed as porn watchers in movies and TV — the desire exists, and it's 100 percent normal.

14. Not watching porn. There’s a lot of problematic stuff in the porn industry, and, let’s be real — the majority of it is catered to the male gaze. Or, it could just not be your thing! Doesn’t make you frigid or lame if you choose to pass.

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15. Catching feelings for a hookup. Sometimes, even if your initial approach to sex with this person was fully detached, feelings and attachments happen — our bodies literally release chemicals during sex to bring us closer. Be honest with yourself, and your partner, if you now want sexual exclusivity or a relationship — you’re not a clingy loser for changing your mind.

16. Wanting multiple sexual partners. People who are very honest from the get-go about preferring non-monogamy should not be vilified for wanting more than one partner. It’s awful when people lead you on into thinking they only want to date you — but the ones who say “hookups only” on Tinder or are in an open relationship are exactly who they say they are.

17. Wanting sex on your period. Just lay down a towel! Having sex when you’re super horny on your period is always worth the extra effort.

Follow Julia on Twitter.

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