There are certain topics we absolutely love to talk about with our parents. A Walking Dead recap? Zombies rule! Birthday gift(s)? We'll take this, this, and that. How penises and vaginas interact with each other? OMG, no, never, just stop now. While we appreciate their years of experience, the topic of sex is something we'd rather discuss with our partners, our friends, and our gynecologists. But hey, some parents have no filter and want you to practice safe sex—no matter how old you are. So we pulled together the 17 most awkward stories of "the talk." Enjoy, and just try not to wince. 

"I have a long-distance relationship (well, it's 'only' 400 miles). I told my mother I was going to visit my boyfriend one summer, and she told me that was fine and to have fun. Then I said, 'We'll probably visit two of his friends, too. They're really nice people, apparently,' to which she turned around and responded, 'Oh, I'll get you some condoms then!'" —Julie T.

"Before I got married, my grandmother told me to use him the most that you can because it [the penis] shrivels up when they get old." —Amber D.

"My mom gave me 'the talk' and told me abstinence is the best contraceptive. She then made me ice cream and taught me how to give a blow job rather than have intercourse!" —Karen K. 

"My friend and I were going out to meet some guys, and her mom called out, 'Don't forget the condoms!' That was both of our sex talks." —Jeannette R.

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"My dad thought I was a lesbian and handed me dental dams. I was 15 or 16. Awkward!" —Melia F.

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"My sister asked my dad what a condom was, and he said it's short for condominium—holiday houses—and then he left the room!" —Michelle H. 

"My grandmother—she raised me—took a cucumber out of the fridge and said, 'It's about this big and hurts like hell!' Then she proceeded to make a cucumber sandwich like she always did. I'll never forget that." —Tracey D.

"My mom and dad went on a cruise this summer, and my mom told me my father was a 'wild man' and 'insatiable' on their vacation. Ugh! " —Sarah K.

"I was dealing with a UTI caused by having sex with my boyfriend. My mom told me she used to get them all the time and that I shouldn't tell my boyfriend that he caused it because it will just make him feel bad. She also said that this happened when she was dating my dad. She said, 'He felt really, really bad because we just wanted to have a little fun.' I think it was the 'have a little fun' part that grossed me out the most." —Elizabeth O.  

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"My dad told me when I was in fourth grade, 'Keep your pants on, and you won't have any worries.' That was all the talk I got about sex." —Mel M.

"My parents came from out of town and stayed with me and my fiancé for wedding plans. We got up the next morning and went downstairs to have coffee with my parents. When we sat down, my mother told us that my dad had such a boner last night." —Pam J.

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"I had only been married a couple of months when my mother was trying to get me to talk about how the sex was. She started by telling me the sex with my dad was great. The only thing they wouldn't do was anal. At 23, I was mortified." —Sheila O. 

"My mom is a nurse. When she gave the talk to my sister and I, it took half a day. She pulled out textbooks and models. It was very specific." —Ashton J. 

"My dad said to me KNOWING I was already active that, 'Guys only think with one head'—as he pointed to his crotch. Thanks, Dad." —Niki M. 

"When I was in college, my mom found out I was having sex by going through my garbage when I left for school after winter break. She was looking for a receipt for something I got her for Christmas, but instead she found a condom—a used one. Instead of having a calm discussion about the responsibility that comes with having sex or just not telling me at all, she called me and said, 'So you're having sex now? I found a condom in the garbage in your room. Dad says to flush it down the toilet next time.' Thank goodness I was far, far away from them." —Ashley O.

"My mom told me I should look into contraception other than condoms to make sex more comfortable for him when I was with my first boyfriend. STDs were the least of her concerns!" —Lily L.

"When I lived at home, my mom used to hint that I should wear sexy lingerie for guys. Then she'd whip out this horrendous '80s satin leopard crotch-less number that she jokingly—but probably not actually jokingly—said I was conceived in." —Jill P.

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