No matter who is going down on whom, the goal of oral sex is to make it feel as good as possible. It's especially important for women, who are often more likely to orgasm from clitoral stimulation like oral. Here's how to make sure both of you are giving as good as you get.
1. If it's hard for you to focus on enjoying yourself, turn the lights off.
A shocking number of women have trouble mentally letting go and enjoying oral sex when their partner goes down on them. Sound like you? Try keeping the lights off so you're less likely to be distracted by your surroundings, and more likely to float off into ready-to-orgasm land.
2. You don't need a partner to enjoy oral-like sensations.
While very few things are going to recreate the feeling of a tongue exactly, some newer vibrators come pretty close. Options like the Womanizer, which utilizes suction, or the Ora 2, which has moving beads to mimic the motion of a tongue, are excellent substitutes. *Blissfully counts down the days until technology can replace men all together*.
3. Nope, you don't need to deep-throat.
If your partner is super into the idea of full-penis sensation, you can deliver that easily, without deep-throating. Try wrapping your hand around the bottom of his shaft, and taking the rest of him in your mouth. Or, place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth. Then let his peen hit the underside of your tongue. No gagging necessary.
4. And since the subject came up, you don't need to swallow either.
When, where, and how your partner ejaculates during a blow job should be something both of you discuss and agree upon. You don't need to swallow literally ever, nor does your partner need to finish in your mouth at all! You might find it incredibly sexy to watch him finish elsewhere – on your body, on his body, there are tons of options.
5. Have him try sucking.
Ask him to switch up his moves and try sucking on your clitoris instead – it provides a more intense pressure. No *pressure* if this isn't for you, though! Some prefer a gentle flicking motion instead.
6. He doesn't need to ejaculate for a blow job to be enjoyable.
Many guys don't actually want going down to be the main event. According to a Cosmo poll, 54 percent of men like oral action as foreplay alone. So if it feels like a particular BJ has run its course, switch it up and try something else!
7. Lube can taste good.
If you're going to be down there, you might as well experiment with different flavors. Lube can add extra sensation to a blow job, and be enjoyable to you too. Lots of companies make flavored formulas that taste just slightly fruity or minty, not like candy-coated toxic waste. You can buy a sample pack at most sex toy shops.
8. Talk! Talk talk talk talk talk.
Communication is so basic, but so necessary. Neither one of you can read each other's mind during sex, so speak up if there's something that you want that he's not delivering. There are tons of ways to verbalize it if you feel a little tongue tied, like "It's so hot when you..." or "I'd love it if you'd try..."
9. Your hands can step up if your jaw feels tired.
You should never be doing anything in bed that feels uncomfortable, but if you're coming up against a bit of muscle fatigue, try any of these hand job techniques. At the same time, flick your tongue over the tip.
10. Just because he's going down on you doesn't mean he should ignore your other sensitive areas.
Being stimulated in multiple areas will help a woman reach climax more quickly. So while his tongue is at work, have him play with your nipples. In the beginning, he should softly stroke your nips, but as you get closer, he can squeeze if you're into that.
11. Cooling down can be very hot.
Your temperature rises slightly when you're aroused, so anything cool will be a pleasurable jolt to your senses. Point a fan in your direction so that while he's between your legs, you're feeling both warm from his mouth and a cool breeze. The combo is unexpected, and anything surprising can send you over the edge.
12. Go ahead, sit on his face.
If you're having trouble orgasming in a standard partner-in-between-your-legs position, switch it up and mount his face, being careful not to apply too much pressure. It allows him to access a totally new angle that might be just what you need to get there.
13. There's a digital version of oral.
Here's a unique way to give his frenulum–the tiny bump on the underside of his penis where the shaft meets the tip–some special attention: Place the tip of your finger on it, then take his shaft (along with your finger) into your mouth. As you move your mouth up and down, rub your finger over the F-spot.
14. Get cozy.
You 100 % do not need to be on your knees to give your partner oral sex. There are so many ways to go down that make it extra comfortable for you, like lying on your back while he kneels over you, or arranging pillows to make things softer.
This post was published in April, 2011 and has been updated.