There are some things men will never understand about women, but we don't want the vagina to be one of them. Dudes talk to each other about going down on their partners like they're trying to unlock a secret level to a video game, and for good reason—there's a lot going on down there. Here's everything guys are missing about what a girl wants (what a girl needs) when it comes to oral.
1. We can smell fear. A vagina isn't a venus fly trap waiting to clamp down on your tongue and never let go. On the contrary, we want you to roam free and take in a few sights along the way. And if you're nervous about getting lost, just ask for directions.
2. Always take the scenic route. Revving our engine pre-oral is paramount, so make sure you tend to our other erogenous zones (think: neck, breasts, thighs) before going downstairs. Not only is heading straight for our vag sans warmup way too aggressive, but you run the risk of ending the night with a stress-fracture to the jaw.
3. And bonus points for creativity. There's more to life than straight-up missionary oral sex. Just ask Google. (Better yet, ask us.)
4. The relationship we have with our vagina is complicated. Some of us have never even looked at our nether regions, so you can imagine how intimidating it is to have you all up in our business. But if you get turned on by going down south, there's a good chance you'll inspire us to break free of our insecurities and become one with our vajayjay.
5. Don't just recycle moves. Every woman is different, so don't assume what worked for your ex is going to work for us all. Sometimes we want to be ravaged, and other times we just prefer light stimulation. When you use the same moves on autopilot, assuming we'll just come eventually, we won't.
6. A little multitasking can go a long way. You don't have to take "oral sex" literally. Feel free to use your digits or a sex toy while you're at it. The more stimulation, the merrier.
7. We know when you're trying to reenact something you saw in a porn. No. Just no.
8. The clitoris is an important part of the process, but not the only part. We get it: Once you finally figure out where the clitoris is, it's like you just discovered the key to Narnia. But keep in mind there's an entire vagina that needs servicing (not just the ignition).
9. Scale back on the suction. You can never go wrong with various combinations of licking, flicking, and sucking—so long as you're not morphing your mouth into a Shop-Vac. The clitoris alone has roughly 8,000 nerve endings (as a point of comparison, the penis has roughly 4,000). You're not cleaning between couch cushions; you're trying to get us off. Be gentle.
10. Sometimes, oral doesn't end in a big O (or even a lowercase one). For many of us, orgasms are a crapshoot. As much as we appreciate you forging ahead like the little engine that could, it's OK to throw in the towel. We won't hold it against you. We won't question your skills. We'll appreciate your gallant effort and call it a night.
11. But if it does, there's no need to duck and cover. Just because we've started having an orgasm doesn't mean it'll continue once you pull away. It's kind of like slamming on the brakes in the middle of a high-speed chase, only really rude to our vaginas. As our orgasm starts, keep doing exactly what you were doing so that we can fully enjoy the crazy bliss that comes from, well, coming. We'll let you know when we're spent.
12. Post-oral, let us make the first move. Some women aren't bothered by kissing their boo after a good tongue rub, while others prefer keeping their vaginal fluids at a distance.
All gifs courtesy of giphy.com.