10 Vacation Sex Secrets He Doesn’t Want to Tell You

1. He almost didn’t have room for anything but condoms. Obviously, he packed other things. And of course he realized there’d probably be condoms available at your destination. But he just didn’t want to have to walk down to the lobby, and if he has to choose between space for a condoms and space for a second pair of cargo shorts, he's gonna let the shorts burn.

2. He trained for this. Maybe not the way an Olympic athlete would. And maybe not even physically. But he definitely psyched himself up for what he knew would inevitably be a sex gauntlet.

3. He’s trying to time his orgasm with the arrival of room service. Ideally, he’d orgasm, hop off the bed, put on a robe and open the door to bacon. Frankly, this is the most ideal 10 seconds of existence any human being could possibly hope for.

4. He plans on leaving a huge tip for housekeeping on the last day. It’s going to cost a lot to basically torch this place. Y’all did some disgusting stuff in this room.

5. He’s never going to bother taking the “do not disturb” sign off the door. Why make anyone clean all this up when you're just going to sex the place up again?

6. At a certain point, enough is enough. He does need to rest, also. You both do. Part of the fun of vacations is also getting to sleep in or take naps.

7. He ran out of laundry two days ago. If you’re wondering why it kind of smells like sex while you’re standing in the middle of Louvre, that’s why. And he’s very, very sorry.

8. He’d rather stay in than sightsee. Well, maybe not ignore your vacation entirely in favor of sex. But he wouldn't mind having to do a light jogging tour instead of a walking tour, because honestly he just wants to get back to bed.

9. He doesn’t want to make eye contact with your hotel neighbors. They know. They’ve heard everything. EVERYTHING.

10. His balls hurt. By the end of a good sexcation. His balls are quite literally sore. Be nice to them.

Follow Frank on Twitter.

258 Views    
Facebook Facebook Twitter Linkedin Google Pinterest

Related Articles

Refer your 10 female friends! Earn Instant 500