Some women love watching porn. Others hate it. But whichever way your porn pendulum swings, chances are, you have caught at least a glimpse of what happens when the hot, lonely housewife notices the pool boy’s abs shimmering in the morning sun. Cue the bow chickas.
Here, 10 thoughts that may have crossed your mind while watching X-rated action.
1. "I'm so glad I didn't cancel Cinemax."
A couple clicks of a remote is all it takes to get those naked, horny people all up in your TV. Do those "back rooms" of video rental stores still exist?
2. "Does this character have a job?"
Seriously, how does a 23-year-old afford to live in a mansion in the Hollywood Hills? And what job allows her to spend the day naked in heels? (Also, how do we apply?)
3. "Does he wax or shave?"
Many of the guys who show up in porn flicks are beefy and completely fuzz-free. While we love the Jersey Shore as much as anyone, unless a man is recovering from a bad case of body lice there is no reason for him to be that hairless.
4. "This house is amazing!"
Who doesn't appreciate a well-designed home? When a hot sex scene is placed inside an HGTV-ready interior, you've got a recipe for sweet, sweet sexual magic—as long as they don't get any of that chocolate syrup on the gorgeous white couch.
5. "Exactly how much money is the money shot worth?"
It's hard not to wonder how much the naughty nurse is actually being paid for that facial.
6. "Woo, lesbians!"
It's a scientifically proven fact: Girls love girl-on-girl. Bring on the babes.
7. "Maybe she's born with it; maybe it's bleach."
When we see the colorless backend of a busty brunette, we wonder how she got such an even skin tone where the sun doesn't shine? Ah yes, the butthole bleach. That's good stuff.
8. "Now you see the penis, now you don't."
There must be ton of lube on him because that penis traveled into her vagina at warp speed. Truly impressive.
9. "This choreography is kind of amazing."
From 69, to standing sex, onto doggy style, and finishing with anal action, it's hard not to be impressed by how smoothly this all goes down. Two thumbs way up, ya'll.
10. "Could I do porn?"
They make it look so easy! And it would be nice to start writing anal bleaching off our taxes.
All gifs courtesy of giphy.com.