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I was with Jesse for more than three years before we became engaged when I was 25. He was perfect for me in every way—on paper. He was understanding, very loving, and trustworthy. He also loved his family, which was really important to me, and just had really good values. If he was wrong, he was able to admit it.
We were engaged for almost a year before I started to question things. I just had this feeling that we weren’t clicking. It felt as if we had become more like roommates, and we were fighting more than usual.
Though we weren't consistently fighting about the same thing, little things like me leaving a dish in the sink would make him upset. It was normal couple stuff that happens when you live together, but it started to shed some light on our different lifestyles. I started to realize that I was more of a free spirit, while he was more structured. During the honeymoon phase of our relationship, I thought his consistency balanced me out and made me grounded, but I began to think that I needed to be with someone who was willing to run with me, not tie me down.
For example, I always wanted to buy my dream car, a Jeep Wrangler, but when I talked about it with Jesse, he would always bring up the fact that we should be saving money. Any trip we went on was always thoroughly planned and saved for, which is fine, but we rarely did anything spontaneous. I wanted a lifestyle where I was more able to fly by the seat of my pants.
On top of those differences, we just didn’t feel the way a couple should when they’re about to get married. I thought being engaged would be a time full of joy and excitement, but instead we had taken a wrong turn somewhere.