Since IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m an online dating coach, itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not that unusual for me to search different Twitter hashtags looking for single people who might be interested in getting a little support. One day, I was searching #dating when I came across ThomasÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ profile.
I immediately thought he was handsome, but it was reading through his Twitter stream that really intrigued meÃ¢â‚¬”itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s hard to be thoughtful in 140 characters, but Thomas was. So I re-Tweeted something heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d said, hoping to catch his eye. He messaged me back, and we started communicating after that.
I didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t really know how we would connectÃ¢â‚¬”if it would be for love or for business (heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s also a dating coach)Ã¢â‚¬”but there was something about him. I knew I needed to meet him. I was living in New York City and he was in Boston, but the next time I was going to Boston to see my family, I DMÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d Thomas to see if he wanted to get a cocktail.
That first time I met Thomas, our mutual friend Dave (whom I'd been having drinks with beforehand) basically ended up crashing our meet-up.Ã‚Â Luckily, he pushed Thomas and me to start working together. So at the end of the night, I said, Ã¢â‚¬Å“It seems like Dave already sees us working togetherÃ¢â‚¬”we should meet up another time to chat.Ã¢â‚¬Â
The next night, Thomas had set it up very much like a date: We went to this gourmet pizza and wine place. It started out with a lot of business talk, but we ended up talking about our personal lives and flirting all night.
Of course, we lived in two different cities so I very consciously tried not to think about the possibility of there being something romantic between the two of us. But after a couple of months of Tweeting and emailing (weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d agreed to do a video series together), I went back to Boston and was a guest on a web show that he had at the time. After we were done shooting, I stuck around for the after partyÃ¢â‚¬”and Thomas would come over to me periodically throughout the night and put his arm around me or put his hand on my hip. At the end of that night, after a friend of his had called us out for flirting with each other, we decided to talk about what was going on between us. Thomas turned to me and said, Ã¢â‚¬Å“I want to pursue whatever there is here.Ã¢â‚¬Â
We were exclusive right awayÃ¢â‚¬”probably in part because weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d had so much communication up until that point through Twitter, email, texting, and phone calls. Thomas ended up moving to New York about a year and a half after we started dating, and he proposed several months after that. WeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re getting married in May, and social media will definitely be a big part of the wedding (instead of table numbers, weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re going to have different hashtags).
ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s funny, because in my job there are people who come to me all the time and say, Ã¢â‚¬Å“I have a Facebook crushÃ¢â‚¬”how should I approach this?Ã¢â‚¬Â or Ã¢â‚¬Å“SomethingÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s happening with this person I met on TwitterÃ¢â‚¬”I thought we were just fans of the same football team, but now weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re going to meet up and IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m not sure if itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a date.Ã¢â‚¬Â I always tell them that if they want to pursue something there, they have to DM the person early onÃ¢â‚¬”and that ultimately you have to get offline. If you build it up too much in your head before you meet, youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re most likely going to be disappointed when you finally do.
Of course, thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not to say that you should forget social media once your relationship goes offline. Even now, those modes of communication are still very important to Thomas and meÃ¢â‚¬”weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll Tweet sweet nothings to each other, sometimes when weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re sitting at the same table. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a great way to continue to flirt with someoneÃ¢â‚¬”even if theyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re already your boyfriend or husband. It really does develop this other dynamic in your relationship.